


Imbalance

by fullarmorandahotfudgesundae



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU Series 3, Bending physical laws, Brief suicidal ideation, F/M, Fluff, HEA, Parallel Universes, Possibly Dodgy Science, Reunions, Wee bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-05
Updated: 2012-11-05
Packaged: 2017-11-18 01:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/555524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullarmorandahotfudgesundae/pseuds/fullarmorandahotfudgesundae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Martha, I can safely guarantee that there will be no running for your life." Famous last words, Doctor.<br/>Just a sweet little AU from the middle of Series 3, because everyone deserves a happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This has been on FF.net and Teaspoon, but since I've been lurking here more often lately, I thought I'd throw it up here. Nothing terribly earth-shattering, as it's yet another reunion story, but I'm having fun cleaning it up and felt like posting it. Takes us AU at an undetermined point in season 3, since that's where we were when I started it. Hope it's a pleasant amusement, if nothing else!

  
[](http://s1087.photobucket.com/user/Rachel_Sites/media/bookcoverimbalance_zps9bb96899.jpg.html)   


Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some. ~Robert Fulghum

A brilliant sunset blazed across a lake with a surface like glass. Various faunal noises sounded in the surrounding trees. All in all, it was the epitome of tranquility. The serene evening was suddenly disturbed by a faint whirring noise that grew steadily firmer as a blue shape blurred into existence. A thin male figure poked its head out the door of the box which had resolved from the blur. His expressions moved from curious to recognition, and ended up on blank. The introspective look lasted as he moved out of the doorway, making room for a slender girl to join him, but when he turned to address his companion, his face showed nothing more than an easy-going cheerfulness that rang just a tiny bit false.

“Ah, Martha, there you are. So, you wanted to see something new, then, ‘something alien that’s not going to end up with almost being killed’ was the way you put it, correct? Although I should be a bit insulted; we’ve had some peaceful trips. Shakespeare was a bit of a treat, minus the hocus-pocusing, oh and how about New New York, ah, right, well, I’m beginning to see your point. Still, all of time and space at your disposal, surely the adventure just adds to the fun! At least, that’s what Ro…” he trailed off, not willing to finish that thought. “Anyway, here we are. Librum. A kind of universal haven. The people here, the Librae, serve as guardians of balance in the universe and their homeworld is necessarily a place of peace. So, I can safely guarantee that there will be no running for your life.”

Martha looked around eagerly, absorbing the passive atmosphere that lay like a blanket over the ground. “Great, Doctor, this is exactly what we need! No more nearly dying, no more offering yourself up to save the world. Just plain, old-fashioned rest and relaxation.” She was too absorbed in planning what she would do with nothing to do that she missed the bleak, blank look return to the Doctor’s face at her words. “Doctor, weren’t the Timelords sort of guardians of the universe?”

“Yes, well, that’s true, but the Librae are actually asked to interfere by the rest of the universe, while the Timelords just butted in and made events go the way they wanted. Besides, we watched over the timestream itself; the Librae are more concerned with the welfare of all beings in every present moment.” He allowed himself a small moment of acknowledging the ever-present grief and pain left over from his previous incarnation. It seemed to be getting stronger again and had been for the last six months, after…well, not going to speculate on why, it just was. “Anyway, let’s get moving! Can’t see anything just standing in the doorway! The road goes ever on and on, down from the door… hang on, sorry, that’s Lord of the Rings. You get my point though.”

The Doctor set off, hands in pockets, with Martha dutifully tagging along behind. Each was lost in his or her own thoughts. The Doctor was doing his best to not think about a certain shop-girl who had for some reason become his motivation for living over the past two years. Martha, on the other hand, was thinking about the same shop-girl, although she had never met her. _There we go, I reminded him of Her again. Brilliant, Martha, it’s not as if he doesn’t think of Her enough already. You know you don’t have the right to be jealous; he loved Her and still does. You could at least try not remind him you’re not Her and spare him the pain. That’s what friends do. You are friends, at least._ She sighed, but these little internal pep talks actually were helping her make the most of what she had with the Doctor.

The twosome soon approached a town that reminded Martha of an ancient Roman village. The houses were plaster-coated and sported cheerful red tiled roofs. The main thoroughfare was paved with large cobble-stones and cleanly swept. Here and there, small, elegant figures of the lightest shade of gold went about their business. However, all of these details were peripheral as the centre of the main square drew all of Martha’s attention. There stood a large, old-fashioned scale, the kind seen held by Justice in Renaissance paintings. She turned to ask the Doctor what it was, but her attention was caught by the approach of one of the natives.

The Doctor grinned as he recognized the approaching Libra. “Aurelia! Good to see you! How long has it been?” He pressed his palms together and bowed over them, giving the traditional welcome.

Aurelia reciprocated the gesture, saying, “Far too long, Doctor. I see you have had many adventures in that time as you have changed yet again. I am glad to see you, as we have need of your talent for solving dilemmas. But come, introduce me to your friend.”

“Oh, right. Aurelia, may I present Martha Jones of Earth. Martha, this is Aurelia, leader of the Librae.” Martha clumsily copied his earlier gesture, looking more closely at the Libra. She was small, shorter than Martha, but of a willowy build. She had a slight gold sheen that emanated like an aura, giving her an ethereal presence. Large, dark eyes shone in marked contrast to her bright skin and hair.

“Pleased to meet you,” Martha said, finally getting more used to meeting other species, at least the vaguely humanoid ones. “You said you needed our help? I thought this place was a haven, somewhere trouble didn’t come?”

Aurelia’s eyes darkened even more with sorrow. “Once, that was so. Now, discord has come to Librum. And he brings Death with him.”


	2. An Old Friend

Unfortunately, the balance of nature decrees that a super-abundance of dreams is paid for by a growing potential for nightmares. ~ Peter Ustinov

“Well, that could be a problem,” the Doctor said, trying to lighten the mood with his customary cheekiness. “Don’t suppose you could be any more specific?”

“Of course, forgive me. Let us go to the council house for more privacy. My people know something of what is wrong, but I have not told them the full extent of our danger. I wish to keep them from panicking.” The trio headed for a building at the far side of the courtyard.

“Aurelia, panicking doesn’t much sound like your people. I always thought you weren’t affected by strong emotions.” The Doctor was getting slightly worried; one of the constants in the universe was the emotional stability and remoteness of the Librae and for something to disturb that was definitely a force to be reckoned with.

Aurelia responded, “That is true. This is a new development, part of what I will relate to you. But please, enter and make yourselves comfortable.” She gestured to the door they were now standing by. Martha popped in before the Doctor and gasped at the room. Delicate beams of intricate design supported the high vaulted ceiling, allowing full-length windows to admit the golden sunlight. She glanced at the Doctor to gage his reaction and was unsurprised to find the awful, blank look that she privately thought of as his 'Rose look.'

The Doctor, for his part, had been hoping that nothing would remind him of his last visit to Librum, but seeing the graceful archways that led to the living quarters of the council house where he and his companions had stayed brought it back forcibly. Instead of indulging in reminisces, he brought his attention back to their hostess. “So, you mentioned something of death and destruction, I believe? Care to fill us in?”

Aurelia looked unsettled and took time arranging her robe as she sat down. “You have explained to Martha about the role the Librae play in the balance of the universe? Then you must realize that my people are extremely sensitive to the currents of the universe. We are by nature an empathic species, aided by experiencing no strong emotions of our own, which allows us to serve as arbitrators for the universe, as we make no judgments without knowing all the facts and all the emotional circumstances. This in turn allows us to watch over the balance of life, circumstances, and opportunities available to every species. A few cycles ago, there was a ripple in the balance of the universe that greatly affected Librum. Emotional outbreaks began amongst the younger of my people, hysteria and violence being dominant. It was terribly confusing; no imbalance has ever had an effect on the Librae. Normally we merely feel drawn to the source, but this was not normal. Then suddenly, the ripples ceased, along with the outbreaks.” Here the Doctor visibly twitched, but motioned for Aurelia to carry on.

“We thought we were safe and the council dismissed it as a random occurrence, but one cycle later, Librum was wracked by a tidal wave of imbalance. It felt as though the entire universe was crying out over an injustice, yet we could find no trace of war, political machinations or any of the usual causes. It was worse than before. Those of us who had been dispatched to other worlds returned, missions unfinished, infected with whatever had been the source of trouble on those planets, be it greed, fear or hatred. We attempted to soothe those infected and remove the unwanted emotions, but to no avail. We have been under quarantine for the last two cycles, but our removal from the universe has only increased the imbalance and made the situation more volatile. Doctor, this is what I have concealed from my people: if the trend continues, the imbalance of the universe will tear Librum apart. The focus of the negative energy unleashed by whatever caused the imbalance will be directed straight at our planet and it will destroy all we know. Already the infected among us have begun advocating that we use our position in the universe to seize more power and rule over other beings. If this trend continues, Librum will cease to exist as we know it and there will be no one left to guard the balance. Thus we are in dire need of your help, Doctor. Surely this problem can be resolved?” Aurelia’s voice was almost pleading for an affirmative.

The Doctor had been growing more and more anxious as Aurelia continued, constantly running his hands through his hair and rubbing the back of his neck. “This all started a few cycles ago, you said?” She nodded. “Oh, Aurelia, I am sorry. I am so, so sorry.”

Martha started as she heard the words he only ever said in severe circumstances he felt responsible for. “Doctor, do you know what’s happening here?”

He was silent and for once, looked as old as he was. Aurelia stood and laid a hand on his sleeve. “Doctor, does this have to do with the pain you carry? And why the Lady Rose is no longer with you? I was curious as to why she was not with you this visit.”

The Doctor looked down and Martha could see the tension in his hunched shoulders. “Martha, why don’t you go have a look around? New planet and all that.” His tone brooked no argument. Martha grimaced, but went, albeit reluctantly.

Aurelia looked on sympathetically. “She does not know about Rose? Or is it too much for you to acknowledge?”

The Doctor glared at his friend, but soon sagged down into a chair. “You’re too perceptive by half. She knows of Rose, but I haven’t…I can’t…it’s too close, too recent.” He rose, pacing and running his hands through his hair in his angst. Aurelia allowed him to remain silent, knowing he needed to gather his thoughts. After a moment, the Doctor burst out, “I miss her, Aurelia. I miss her every minute of every day. It’s not that Martha doesn’t count; she does, she’s a brilliant companion and we’ve gotten to be good friends, but…”

“But she is not your Rose,” Aurelia finished.

“No,” he sighed.

“Come, Doctor, you forget how well I know you. You cannot keep the agony I feel in you locked away. You know that I am a healer to my people; trust me to help you bear your burden.”

“I think…No, unfortunately I know…Your situation is my fault. Again, I’m responsible for killing an entire world. No, let me finish. You need to know what happened at Canary Wharf. I thought I had saved the world. I lost the one person that kept me grounded, but I really thought I had saved the world. Now, I find I may just end up being responsible for destroying your people. Why can’t I ever, ever, just once have things go right? Is it too much to ask? Have I wronged the universe that much that it has to keep chewing me up and spitting me back out?” The Doctor was furiously pacing as he ranted, his previously controlled anger at the past months raging to the surface. Aurelia flinched as she felt the full force of what her friend was feeling: rage mixed with despair, with a fierce, underlying longing and desperation that frightened her in its intensity.

“Doctor.” Just that one word, spoken in an even tone, broke through his emotional upheaval. He stopped pacing, panting slightly. Aurelia continued, putting aside her own worry in order to aid her friend. “Doctor, I do not think that any action you have ever done is blame-worthy. You have always, as long as I have known you, acted with compassion for others. Anything you have done that is related to our current dilemma, I am sure was done for the best. You could not have foreseen such a consequence. Calm yourself and begin at the start of the tale and we shall work together to see how we may resolve this.”

The Doctor silently acknowledged her words. He took a deep breath, saying, “It’s too coincidental that the disruptions you felt occurred at the same time numerous holes through the Void between universes were formed. Torchwood, back on Earth had been slowly eroding the barrier between universes for months…”

As the Doctor told Aurelia about Torchwood, Rose, and Canary Wharf, Martha wandered out of the council house to explore the village. She kicked the dust in her frustration at not being able to help the Doctor with his obsession with his lost companion and his unwillingness to share what had happened. His attitude was not helping her in her earlier resolve to be less jealous. She sighed, understanding that at some level, he was not telling her, his new companion, so that it wouldn’t seem final and real. Understanding the psychological reason didn’t make it sting any less though. Martha looked around the courtyard for something to distract her from her increasingly maudlin thoughts. She caught sight of the sculpture of the scale in the center and wandered over for a closer look. It was massive, standing several metres over her head. The sunlight illuminated several engravings of various species linked together by arms, wings, tentacles and various appendages. Martha ran her hand over the images, touched by the depiction of harmony they represented. Trailing her hand along the central pole, she looked at the hanging baskets. Flat sheets of molten-coloured gold metal were supported by filament thin chains of the same material. Martha looked at each basket in turn, then, furrowing her brow, took a step back to allow both baskets into her range of vision. Her impression had been correct: one basket was higher than the other, indicating an imbalance. That’s strange, a planet dedicated to balance has a sculpture showing imbalance? Unless…she gasped as the sculpture, which she had presumed to be static, began to move, the higher basket moving even higher. Simultaneous with the movement, Martha heard a terrible wailing strike up from the other end of the courtyard. She turned, stumbling back toward the council house, yelling, “Doctor!”


	3. Split Personalities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now the fun begins!

Fortunate, indeed, is the man who takes exactly the right measure of himself and holds a just balance between what he can acquire and what he can use. Peter Latham

She opened her eyes, only to shut them again against the glare of the light. She really shouldn’t have bothered trying to sleep. Sometimes a little sleep was worse than getting none at all; she had learned that lesson long ago. She had been on the go for three days straight before being forced to rest, but had only managed to grab two hours' worth before the next emergency began. Cursing with words learnt from past adventures, she fumbled blindly for her clothes. She groaned, but sat up, flipping her wispy red locks out of her face to glare at the perky smile hovering over her.

“What is it now? No, wait, don’t tell me till I’ve had a cuppa, yeah?” She rolled off the bed, managing to stay upright and preserve her dignity.

“Here you are, Nan. I know you can’t function without a cup of tea. Honestly, you think tea can save the world.” At her friend’s remark, Nancy smiled to herself behind her cup. “We have a bit of a sticky situation that needs your special touch. The negotiations with Luxor aren’t going well and both ambassadors are bellowing for you.”

“Thanks, Tess. Just what I needed after that fiasco with Assamites merrily blowin’ up the countryside last week.”

“Then I hate to tell you, Pete Tyler called again and said he’s popping down for a face to face. Said he’s a people-person and can’t stand not knowing the face to the voice on the phone and that you can’t avoid him forever. How do you want to handle it?...Nan?...Nancy, you fall back to sleep?” Tess asked the frozen figure in front of her.

“No, I’m here. No way for me to get out of it? No alien incursions or possible planet-destroying cataclysm? Damn. All right, I’ll take care of it.” She sighed and looked wryly at her friend. “It must be Monday.”

“Cheers, boss,” Tessa quipped as she headed out.

Nancy instantly sank onto the stool by her vanity, composure shredding. Why me? she thought. Why is the universe against me? She looked at her reflection, which still came as a shock. Shoulder length red- ginger- hair framed a face with friendly green eyes. Thank heaven and industrious Torchwood staff for coloured contacts you only had to take out once a week. This was the woman known as Nancy Smith, who had only come into being after her alter ego had died the first time some two years back. It was only in this quiet time in the morning that she allowed her focus to slip and became again who she had been the first twenty-three years of her life. Nancy Smith took the contacts out and Rose Tyler stared out of the mirror.

Familiar brown eyes glazed over as she considered the trial she would face in maintaining her new identity in front of her father. She let out a choked sob as she once again thought back to the circumstances that had prompted her charade.

* * *

_She hadn’t wanted to die. Mickey might have had his concerns regarding her mental health after Bad Wolf Bay, but she really hadn’t wanted to die. She hated this world, with its superficial similarities that covered the biggest difference: No Doctor. She hated being forced to pretend she had forgotten her old life and was cheerfully embracing the new. She hated it, but she did it. She did it for her mum and for her little brother, but she also did it for Him. He had wanted her to live her life, so she did, exploring a different path than she had taken before. She got her A-levels, reveling in the acquisition of knowledge. She joined Torchwood, where Pete’s position made no difference in her advancement, much to her liking. She was content, but not happy, even though Jackie did her best to delude herself Rose was just as settled as she was. Jackie was neither blind, nor stupid, but she told herself her daughter was happy enough times that she started to believe it. Rose had let her, knowing she needed to believe it._

The day she died on Pete’s World had started off as a normal day on her Torchwood crew. Mickey and Jake had argued over football on the way to a routine meet and greet with a bunch of tourists from the Andromeda Galaxy. Rose had been quiet, closing her eyes and indulging in a rare moment of recollection. She smiled slightly as countless alien vistas flashed before her eyes, always revolving around one being with two different faces.

She must have dozed off as the next thing she knew, Mickey was cursing as he yelled into his earpiece and Jake threw the van into a spinning turn.

“What is it?” she asked, instantly on alert.

“Hostage situation at Torchwood. Assamites are holding Pete and the President unless we meet their demands,” Mickey snapped out, checking weapons and equipment.

“What do they want?” Jake asked. “Can’t be more steel; they just got a shipment.” The Assamites were unable to handle unrefined metal, but they had a treaty with Torchwood providing refined steel needed for their warships in exchange for leaving Earth and any future colonies alone.

“They say that all alien presence on Earth is against the treaty, so they're threatening to destroy Earth unless they're allowed to enslave those on planet now,” Mickey supplied.

“Great,” Rose said. “Jus’ what we need. How are we handling this?”

“You mean either by the book or off-the-cuff-Doctor-style?” Mickey’s comment wasn’t complete flippancy. He was technically head of their unit and excelled at tried and true strategies, but when things turned unexpectedly, Rose had proven to have an unparalleled ability to think under fire.

Jake put in his vote. “We don’t know how many there are and it’s not like we have experience with hostage situations in our own base. I say we go with a Rose scheme.”

Mickey nodded his agreement, just in time for the van to pull into the underground lot of Torchwood. They piled out, weapons ready, and managed to locate one of the external CCTV cameras. Mickey quickly hacked into the system, which showed the tall, spindly Assamites milling around in the main foyer only two hallways from where they were sitting. One of their needle-like ships was readily apparent in the cavernous room. Pete and the President were sitting on the floor on the far side, looking both bored and tense. Rose stared blankly into space, collating all the factors into a plan.

“Right, Mickey, can you hack into the alarm system and trigger all the auditory alarms? The Assamites will be super-sensitive to sound, given their exposure to the raw metallic elements on the planet. Jake, take advantage of the distraction to slip into the maintenance crawl-space around the foyer. Dad’s actually leanin’ against one of the access hatches, probably on purpose, so you’ll be able to get them out easily.” She quickly counted the visible aliens and jolted at her sudden realization. “There are only seven Assamites visible. Scout ships carry ten. There must be three still in the ship. Damn! Ok, give me your sonic grenades. Ready, boys?”

Mickey stopped her turn with a hand on her shoulder. “Rose, what are you planning?”

She just grinned at him, a slightly manic grin indicating her joy in the incipient mayhem that reminded him forcibly of the Doctor, either incarnation. “Jus’ go with it, Mick. Set up the alarms and be ready to set them off when Jake reaches the hatch. Get Dad and the President out and to a safe house; they’re top priority. Don’ worry bout me. All set?” Both men nodded, Mickey’s hand lingering on her shoulder. She gave them another brilliant grin along with her traditional, borrowed war cry. “See ya in hell.”

Rose set off for the doorway that would open nearest the Assamite ship, praying that she had calculated the aliens’ reactions correctly. She paused, crouched by the door, and touched her good luck charm. The TARDIS key around her neck was as cold as it always was in what the Doctor had once called “the silent realm,” but it reassured her none-the-less. It reminded her of what she had done and what she was capable of, giving her confidence a much-needed boost. Jake suddenly gave two clicks through the earpiece, signaling that he was in position. Mickey’s voice came through, saying, “Go in three, two, one.”

Right on cue the alarms sounded, the cacophony joined abruptly by the Assamites screaming in pain. Rose hit the door, running full-throttle for the ship. She noticed writhing aliens spread across the floor and caught a glance of Pete pushing the President through the hatchway before she reached the mechanism to trigger the teleport into the ship. She knelt down, setting the timers on the sonic grenades for one minute, enough time for her to get clear, and then reached for the activation switch to pull the grenades into the ship. Just as her fingers brushed the switch, the alarms cut off. The aliens still within the ship must have figured out how to override Mickey’s command. She activated the switch, knowing all the while that she stood very little chance of getting out of the room now full of very angry Assamites. Turning, she saw her assumption was correct; the advanced healing properties of the Assamites allowed all seven to be up and approaching her. She smiled, another dangerous grin, and said, “Oops. Was that your only way home? Cuz I may have just delayed your exit.”

The Assamite closest to her hissed, “Foolish human. You will be an example of what happens when we are crossed.”

Mickey suddenly broke in on her earpiece, “Rose, we have them. Just run! The ship is gonna blow; they’ll be trapped, just run!”

“Sorry, Mick, I seem to be a bit stuck. Get clear, that’s an order. Give my love to mum.” With that, she flipped out another grenade and smirked at the aliens surrounding her. “Sorry guys, no world domination or enslavement for you.” She hit the trigger, set to its default ten seconds, and launched it at the center of the Assamites. She started to run, knowing it was futile. She gripped the TARDIS key, wanting her last thoughts to be of the Doctor, when everything went bright white, then black.

She had woken, feeling a heavy muzziness in her head, to find that she was not still in the base, or even in the infirmary, as she had expected. No, she was in the last place she had ever thought to see from the inside: Torchwood’s morgue. She did a quick check; nope, definitely not dead. Sore as hell, but not dead. Why was she here then? Torchwood’s doctors were miracle workers, as she had reason to know. They would never confuse a comatose patient for a dead one. Suddenly, she heard voices, and looked around, grimacing at the dizziness the movement caused. No one was visible. Rose then remembered her radio, patting her side and finding that it had miraculously survived intact. The voices grew more distinct as she put her earpiece back in.

“…so sorry, Pete. The blast threw her through several walls into a storage room in one of the lower corridors. She must have died on impact; when we found her, she had been gone for at least an hour. The docs tried everything, even tried that new piece of Rota tech that can revive the newly dead. She was too far gone.” Mickey’s voice was husky, as he choked back tears, and Rose heard Pete’s quiet sob. “She went out fightin’ though,” Mickey continued, “just like she would have wanted. Jus’ like He would have.”

Jake’s voice broke in. “We just got word: the Assamites inside the ship were activating not only a beacon for the rest of the fleet, but also the detonation sequences for mines they had somehow buried around the country. If Rose hadn’t taken out those in the ship, we’d all be dead or enslaved. Intel from our allies is that the Assamites were going to break the treaty and use humans as slave labor to mine and refine their iron. The hostage situation was just a distraction.”

Rose started to smile, thinking about what her family would say when she nonchalantly walked in, hero of the hour, but suddenly, her grin dropped as her brain kicked into high gear. Mickey had said they had used the Rota device on her, and it hadn’t worked. That fascinating bit of technology had worked every single time on test subjects. The only way it didn’t bring the person back was if he had been dead for at least thirty minutes. And it couldn’t be because she wasn’t from this universe; the team had used it illegally on Mickey a few weeks back after he had been shot through the heart on a mission. The only conclusion was that she had died. Oh, God, she had died! And somehow come back. A flash of gold and a blurry impression of a kiss flashed before her eyes. She still didn’t remember all of what had happened on the GameStation and the Doctor had clammed up every time she had mentioned it, but she had slowly been getting glimpses of the events in quiet moments on the TARDIS before being trapped on this side of the Void. It was almost as if the old girl had been sympathizing with her frustration at not remembering what she had done. The Vortex must still be part of her; that would also explain why she had actually been able to converse with the TARDIS after the GameStation. She suddenly had a sneaking suspicion that the TARDIS had not only agreed to help her save the Doctor, but had also listened to Rose’s small, private wish to spend forever with him. Somehow, the old girl must have translated that unexpressed desire into a form of pseudo-regeneration. Which meant that she wouldn’t die. God, she’d become the Doctor. She’d watch her whole family die while she lived on and on.

With that thought, Rose knew she would make the selfish choice, however out of character it was. Her family thought she was dead and while it would hurt them, especially her mum, they would eventually move on, as humans do. She would let them bury her in their hearts, as they would have done if she had stayed with the Doctor. Rose tried not to think that her decision was a bit of revenge for Pete’s whisking her away to this world. She had thought she had made her peace with that and been grateful for his saving her life, but apparently a small part of her still resented it. Personal reasons aside, if the scientists at Torchwood ever found out about her little ability, they’d be all over her. She’d be locked up and just as dead to her family.

Decision made, albeit not without a few lingering qualms and flickers of conscience, Rose made her way out of the morgue, stopping only to acquire a new identity via a handy console and fast hacking and make Rose Tyler truly dead.

* * *

Rose roused herself from her reverie. She gave one more glance in the mirror, before slipping the contacts back in. Squaring her shoulders, she headed to the door to face the challenges of the new day.


	4. The Past Impacts the Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor starts hypothesizing and things get worse...

Disarm, disarm. The sword of murder is not the balance of justice. Blood does not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession. ~ Julia Ward Howe

The Doctor had somehow managed to keep his composure while relating the events that led to losing his Rose. However, Aurelia could feel the waves of pain rolling from him, underscored by guilt that his actions had helped create their current situation. “So, you see, by opening holes in the Void to let the ‘ghosts’ through, Torchwood was letting energy not of this universe through. When the Cybermen came through fully, the strain on the balance of the universe must have been enormous, enough that you not only felt it, but were stripped to your emotional core. Mickey and Pete’s hopping and then sending the Daleks and Cybermen into the void only exacerbated the damage. I sealed the cracks between the universes, which is probably why the effects ceased, but I have no idea why you would be experiencing it again. I suppose a quick trip in the TARDIS to check to see that the holes are still closed is in order. Aurelia, I really…”

He never got to finish his statement as Martha came running full-tilt in to the room. “Doctor! Come quick, something’s happening!” He blinked at his gasping companion. “C’mon, shift!” she said, frustrated by his lack of movement. She grabbed his coat sleeve and physically hauled him outside.

The ruckus from the house at the far side of the courtyard had increased tenfold. Martha rapidly explained that the scale had shifted congruent to the uproar as they raced to the commotion. When they arrived at the doorway of the house, Aurelia forced her way past the Doctor, determined to be first to aid her people. What she saw made her golden skin fade to ash.

“Marcel!” she cried, “Stop this! This isn’t like you!” The Doctor came bounding in after her anguished shout. He instantly took in the scene of a young male Libra standing with fist upraised over a cowering female. He darted across the room and grabbed the fist as it descended, twisting Marcel’s arm behind his back and spinning him away from his victim.

“Now, now. None of that. Let’s just sit down and have a nice little chat.” He motioned to Martha to comfort the sobbing girl, as Aurelia stood frozen at the horrifying preview of what her world could become.

“Here, it’s all right. We’re here to help.” Martha wrapped her arms around the terrified Libra, who turned and clung to her. “There now, you’re all right. I’m Martha, what’s your name?”

“Ca…Casta,” she stuttered out, her sobs trailing off in the face of Martha’s soothing manner.

“Casta, that’s a pretty name. Let’s get you off the floor, then, shall we?” Martha turned to Aurelia, “Little help here?” The leader of the Librae snapped out of her paralysis and helped Martha settle Casta in one of the bedrooms.

The two women returned to the entryway where the Doctor was casually leaning against the door jamb, looking at the now-confused Marcel who was sitting docilely in a chair. “Aurelia, what has happened? Where is Casta?” Marcel’s voice was that of a lost little boy.

“He doesn’t remember a thing after he and Casta sat down for their noon meal. As far as he’s concerned, nothing happened.” The Doctor looked almost gleeful at having a tangible problem to distract from his emotional talk with Aurelia.

Aurelia knelt beside her friend. “Marcel, where were you on your last mission? What did you do?”

“Nothing unusual. I was sent to Hatail to convince the leadership that their rebellion against the Sula System Alliance would not succeed by taking violent steps resulting in the random murders of innocents and that they should turn to negotiation as the Alliance is open to diplomatic overtures. Nothing unusual occurred. Both sides agreed to a moratorium on sniper activity until negations succeeded.” Marcel’s expression was the picture of innocent confusion, but suddenly a look of realization flashed across his face. “There was one odd event. When I had first arrived on Hatail, I had felt almost overwhelmed by the hate and desire for violence that surrounded the entire populace. The briefing had said that they are a very quick-tempered race, but essentially rational, but the hatred emanating from the world was beyond normal. I blocked it out, as we are trained to do, but I can’t recall a period of about ten minutes after meeting the leadership. I remember the greetings, but the next I knew, I was on the floor surrounded by concerned faces.” Marcel looked worried. “What does that mean, Aurelia? What is happening to our world?”

Aurelia turned to the Doctor, eyes begging him for hope, while saying, “Marcel, you will be all right. I will send one of the healers to you with a soothing draught. Yes, something is happening, but the Doctor is here now and we have hope.” Patting Marcel on the shoulder, she rose and led Martha and the Doctor out of the house.

“You see, Doctor, this is what has been happening more and more frequently. A Libra goes to another world, loses consciousness, then returns only to manifest the same emotional response of the world he visited. And the worlds we are called to have been acting with an exaggeration of their worst characteristics.” Aurelia choked back a sob. “I do not know what to do!”

Martha wrapped her arm around the upset Libra. “Hey, it’s alright. Like you told Marcel, the Doctor’s here now, he can help. We can find a way to fix this.” She shot her suspiciously silent companion a glare, jerking her head toward Aurelia.

“Oh, right. Now, Aurelia, I told you what I think, no, know caused the first outbreak. Martha and I just need to pop out and check those holes, so why don’t you go rest. You’ll do your people no good by wearing yourself out. Kip out for a bit and we’ll be back in a flash.” He patted her on the shoulder, gently guiding her into the council house, shushing her as she turned to protest. “Shh, now. Go on, rest. Doctor’s orders,” he said, grinning cheekily. The grin fell instantly as soon as Aurelia passed through the door.

Martha was hard pressed to keep up with him as he spun on his heel and stalked out of the village, back toward the TARDIS. “Doctor, what is it? What did you tell Aurelia? You know what’s happening.” The last wasn’t a question.

The Doctor didn’t break stride, but continued to pace away, stubbornly remaining silent. Martha rolled her eyes; she knew that tactic all too well. Which was why she was surprised when he suddenly spoke, never slowing his pace.

“Yes, I know what caused the first outbreak of emotions. I was there. Canary Wharf, Martha, the holes Torchwood ripped through the Void brought energy, emotional and physical, from the other universe, screwing up the balance in this one. I should have known instantly what the ghosts were. I should have stopped it much earlier.” He shook his head sharply as Martha went to speak. “We have to go check the holes to make sure they’re still sealed. I must have missed a gap or slit or some small tear. That’s the only explanation for these continued outbursts. What I don’t understand, which is saying a lot mind you, are the gaps between occurrences. If a rip is causing energy from an alternate universe to leak through, why isn’t it continuous?”

Martha finally got a word in edgewise. “Doctor, when you were talking to Aurelia, right before the screaming started, I was looking at the scale in the courtyard. Doctor, it moved. Right when Marcel went nuts, the whole scale shifted. The higher side went even higher. That’s not just a statue, is it? That represents the balance in the universe, right?”

The Doctor didn’t say anything as he absorbed this new information. “We may be in big trouble. Whatever is causing this, be it a tear in the Void or not, it’s affecting the whole universe. You heard Aurelia: even other species are showing exaggerations of their worst tendencies. And it can’t be a coincidence that Marcel broke into a violent rage the instant the balance in the universe shifted. This is bad, Martha, worse than anything we’ve faced before. If I can’t fix whatever it is that’s causing the imbalance, Librum, as well as the rest of the universe will be completely at the mercy of negative, violent, selfish urges.” He was silent a moment while contemplating the end of all he knew and fought for, but abruptly assumed his standard mask of cheerfulness. “Anyway, c’mon, no sense sitting around. We’ve got the edge of the Void to check out.”


	5. A Return to the Old

Problems arise in that one has to find a balance between what people need from you and what you need for yourself. Jessye Norman

Rose immediately found herself caught up in the busywork of running a Torchwood outpost, but as usual, the fluster and barely restrained chaos served to sharpen her focus on the task at hand, conveniently distracting her from painful thoughts, Doctor-centered or otherwise. She lived for her job these days, reveling in both dangerous missions and the easy camaraderie of her team. It was only those admittedly few times when she found herself alone, with nothing pressing, that she dreaded, as her mind would invariably recall painful memories. Of late, these depressing flashes had been centered around her sporadic bouts with death.

After the first time with the Assamites, she had died four more times. The second time was a careless risk, throwing Tessa out of the way of a blast from a hostile alien. Fortunately, her team was distracted by the chaos left by the rampaging alien and missed her Lazarus impression. The third time was about four months later, when she felt overwhelmed by her self-imposed isolation. She couldn’t take the risk of getting close to anyone, so remained aloof and professional with her team. Consequentially, she spent most of her time alone, with no distractions from her thoughts.

One night, she found herself drinking a bit too much to try to drown out the pain of her memories. She was so sunk into her depression that she just wanted to end it and downed half a bottle of aspirin. Her alcohol-fuzzed brain reasoned that her TARDIS- given ability wouldn’t stand up to self-inflicted death. The theory was shattered when she woke up the next morning with the hang-over from hell. After that incident, she was careful, not sure how many times she could revive. She also reasoned that she needed to go back to her pre-death mentality and embrace life the way He wanted. She built up relations with her team, making friends and enjoying life as much as she was able. She had two more accidents, both in the line of duty, but both times somehow managed to keep it from her team.

Her fear of discovery occupied almost as much of her thoughts as thoughts of Him. She had miraculously avoided meeting face to face with Pete, uncertain if her disguise was good enough or if her not-father knew her well enough to see through it. She could have relied on technology to provide a completely altered image of herself, but to wear that particular device constantly was not the safest thing to do, so she made her changes the old-fashioned way, fairly certain it was enough.

Today, however, seemed to be the testing point. The head of Torchwood was making an inspection of the most efficient outpost, aside from the London office. She sighed, pushing away from her desk and the mounds of paperwork to begin the hunt for her ever-disappearing coffee cup. Tessa had taken to hiding it after Rose, or rather “Nancy”, had surpassed five cups. Her search was curtailed by said assistant rather abruptly careening into her office.

“Nan, he’s here! C’mon, get a move on!” Tessa said as she hastily straightened papers, thrusting Rose’s suit jacket at her and pointing to a hair brush all in the same movement.

“Tessa, relax. We’re not being judged; Pete’s just making a tour to see what it is that makes us so darn good at what we do. Just breathe for me, that’s it. In and out, there you go.” Rose made the final adjustments to her outfit, then turned to her assistant. “Now, where is he? Let’s make sure we get this right.”

Rose marched along the corridor to the entrance foyer, pausing briefly before the doors to grip her TARDIS key before tucking the chain back under her blouse. She pasted a professional smile on her face and pushed through the door.

“Mr. Tyler, how wonderful to meet you at last. Nancy Smith, Torchwood Two.” She firmly gripped Pete’s hand, noticing with relief that he seemed just as content as before her “death”. She was careful to add a bit of an overly-educated drawl to her accent, reinforcing the persona of Nancy.

“Ms. Smith, please, it’s Pete. I’m delighted to finally meet you. Congratulations on your admirable job thus far. Torchwood Two is quite the force to be reckoned with and we couldn’t be prouder of the job you’ve done. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like a tour of your facilities. This is the first time I’ve been here and I’m quite curious about the secret of your success.” Pete had slipped into his casual I’m-the-boss-but-I’ll-be-your-friend mode that was his trademark, although Rose knew he didn’t act that way when he was truly comfortable.

She met his business-like friendliness with her own, saying, “Pete, then, please, call me Nancy. Right this way, sir, and I’ll take you through our humble home. We’ve made some fairly impressive security updates I think you’ll be interested in. And our artifact collection is sure to capture your attention.”

Pete nodded, saying, “Yes, I’ve already sent my best man down to have a look through your acquisitions. Shall we meet him there?”

The Tylers, acknowledged and not, made their way down through the base Rose had made home. Rose was almost disappointed Pete didn’t have a suspicion of who she was, but the relief of not having to explain herself overrode it. They chatted amicably about the policies Rose had emplaced and Pete stopped to talk to every one of Rose’s team. They eventually arrived at what Tessa had dubbed the museum, where all alien artifacts were stored and researched.

“This is our pride and joy. I can say you’ve never seen the like of some of these,” Rose boasted proudly. She noticed only one other figure on the other side of the room, hunched over a table with an artifact in hand. Pete’s lieutenant, no doubt. She turned back to Pete, barely registering that the man across the room turned sharply at the sound of her voice. “So, is there anything I can show you? Weapons are on this side, med tech down the center. Everything you see out is still being fully researched, so I wouldn’t recommend touching anything, but our storage is quite safe.”

Pete looked impressed, Rose was glad to see. “Ms. Smith, Nancy, I thoroughly congratulate you on a job well done. I can see that Torchwood Two is in good hands.”

“Yeah, babe, nicely done. We’ll have to install some of their security measures back at base, boss. The last time I saw anything remotely similar was the Other Torchwood.”

Rose stiffened imperceptibly at the voice behind her. _It really was going to be one of those days_ , she thought as she turned to face the not-so-unknown threat.

“Thank you, Mr…?”

“Ah, Mickey, this is the elusive Nancy Smith. Nancy, this is my second-in-command, Mickey Smith. If he’s impressed, that’s the best recommendation you could hope for.”

“Nice to meet ya.” Mickey’s voice and expression were cordial, but his eyes were cold. “Boss, if we’re through here, why don’t you head out to the car and I’ll just see about getting the plans for that alarm system sent over? Don’t forget we need to be back in London by five for the meeting with the President.”

“Of course, you’re right. I think we’re all done, then. It was extremely nice to meet you, Ms. Smith. I look forward to reading more good results.” Pete ambled out of the room, escorted by the ever-present Tessa.

Rose nodded to Mickey, hoping she was still safe, but not really believing it. “Right this way, Mr. Smith; I’ll get you those plans.” She finally met Mickey’s eyes, willing him to understand what she wasn’t saying. He opened his mouth to argue, but then acquiesced as her meaning struck him.

Rose led her former best friend out of the storage room, down the hall and ushered him into a broom cupboard. She refrained from looking at him, just waiting for him to start.

“Damn it, Rose!” he burst out, slamming his fist against the door. “Why’d you do it? Run off and leave us all thinking you were dead! Your mum was broken, Rose. She nearly lost her mind from thinkin’ you were gone! How do you think that affected her? And Pete, who had to manage Torchwood, mourn for you and worry about Jackie’s sanity. " He paused, then continued, "And for me…Do you know what it felt like, having your best friend ripped from you?” Mickey’s voice was thick with anger and grief throughout his tirade, but even he was shocked by his last sentence. “Shit, Rose, I’m sorry. I know you know what that feels like. But damn it all! What were you running from? Were we just not enough? Or were we too much of a reminder?” The words could have been bitter, but were uttered in a defeated tone.

Rose’s words were quiet. “How’d you know it was me?”

Mickey was startled at the subject of her question, but went with it for the moment. He said, matching her tone, “Babe, I know you. Not just your personality and looks, which by the way, red is so not your colour. But you always did forget that I know your body pretty well too. It may have been a long time ago, but it’s not like that’s somethin’ I could forget. And you can’t disguise your figure or the way you walk, not to me. Plus there was this,” he said, holding up a Taxis memory cube she had been examining the previous day. “I picked it up and saw a familiar blue box and an alien I used to know, so I figured it either belonged to you or the world's ending because there are two of himself.” Damn, she must have imprinted on it when she was struck by a memory of Him. She really needed to learn to be more careful.

Rose sniffed against the flood of guilt and remorse and loneliness that suddenly threatened to overwhelm her. “I’m sorry, Mick, I really am. I’m so sorry. But I didn’t have a lot of time to plan it out and I needed to get out of there. I can’t tell you why and you can’t tell anyone, not Pete, not Mum, no one that I’m alive.” She lost the battle with her tears, but suddenly felt Mickey’s arms around her. She nearly gasped at how good it felt to have such close contact with another person. He held her through the storm of tears, stroking her hair and murmuring to her.

The flood finally stopped. She gave Mickey one last squeeze before stepping back from his arms. She sniffed and rubbed her face, laughing slightly, “I must look a right mess.”

“Nah, babe, you look great. Though, like I said, red ain’t good on ya. Though I can guess why you chose it, Him wanting to be ginger an’ all.” He handed her a roll of tissue from a nearby shelf. “Rose, you can’t not tell me what this is about. I’m always here for ya, ya know that. I can help. Just tell me what’s up. No bugs in here, I’m guessing, since you dragged me in here. I wish it’d been under different circumstances, but…” he said with a suggestive wink.

Rose laughed slightly and smacked him on the shoulder. “I can’t believe you said that!” She sobered and said, “I do trust you Mick and I’ll tell you what’s going on, but I have to show you first. Meet me in the storage room tonight after everyone goes home. Password override is banana. And don’t look at me like that, I can’t just forget two years of my life. Just trust me on this.” She grimaced, realizing what she had said, but Mickey was already in gales of laughter, all the pent-up emotion of the last few minutes redirecting itself.

 

  
The building was silent as Rose made her way down to the storage room after finally shoeing Tessa away for a rare night at home and turning off the internal monitoring systems. Mickey was already waiting for her, admiring the wide array of weapons her team had collected. “I like the big toaster-thing,” he said as she approached. “Just my style.”  
Rose shook her head slightly, some things never changed apparently, but said, “Good choice. Take it down. I want to show you something.”

Mickey glanced at her sideways, but did what he was told and gripped the weapon, fondling it slightly.

“Good, now shoot me,” she said, waiting for the inevitable objection. Mickey didn’t disappoint, but she convinced him finally by threatening to shoot herself.

“You really sure about this, Rose? This better be about some alien tech, cos if this is some kind of suicide thing….” Mickey trailed off.

“I’m sure, just do it.” Rose braced herself for the impact with the wall that was sure to come. She barely registered the sound of the blast or the crack of her skull hitting the opposite wall before she fell into blackness. She was roused by Mickey’s panicked shouting in her ear. “Rose! Rose, come back! Rose!”

“Give us a bit of hush for a mo, will ya?” she groaned as feeling rushed back into her body. Gripping Mickey’s outstretched hand, she maneuvered herself upright. “God, I really hate that.”

“What just happened? Why aren’t you dead? Not that I’m not glad that you aren’t, but what the hell was that?” Mickey, the seasoned Torchwood operative, sounded slightly panicked.

“Just calm down! It’s ok. You remember, before the..Doctor…changed?” The word Doctor got stuck in her throat and she had to force herself to continue. “When we opened the Tardis with that huge truck from Mum’s friend? Well, something happened.” She proceeded to relate the events of the GameStation and what she had figured out the TARDIS had done to her. “So that’s why I had to disappear. I couldn’t let Torchwood find out about my little ability; they’d pick me apart. And I just couldn’t face Mum after she thought I was dead, which is why you can’t tell her. I’m serious, Mickey, she can’t know. Pete can’t either. It has to be just between us.”

Mickey looked ready to argue, but decided not to after noticing the patented Tyler glare. “What can I do to help? I’ve just found you, Rose, I’m not losing you again.”

“I don’t want to lose you either. We’ll stay in touch; I’ve missed you so much, Mickey! But c’mon, up you get. Let’s go catch up and you can tell me all about your dashing escapades,” said Rose, taking a page from the Doctor’s book, and attempting to turn the conversation to something pleasant. She knew, however, that something was coming. She had the same prickle at the back of her neck that she had gotten just before Canary Wharf. Something big was on it’s way, and it wasn’t likely to be good.


	6. Scene of Sorrow

What I dream of is an art of balance, of purity and serenity devoid of troubling or depressing subject matter. ~Henri Matisse

The TARDIS console room was uncharacteristically silent as the Doctor plotted a course to check the boundaries of their universe for any possible holes or tears. Martha simply watched, heart aching to see her friend in such obvious pain. After a few minutes of attempting to comfort him with her presence, she slipped out, heading to the kitchen to make him a cup of tea. She may not have been able to read him as well as his perfect Rose, but she did know what always made him feel better. The ritual of tea preparation was soothing, and she found herself less on-edge than she had been ever since learning of Librum’s struggle. She sank into one of the chairs while she waited for the water to heat, mulling over the strange twists her life had taken ever since she met the Doctor.

The Doctor, for his part, barely noticed Martha’s presence in the console room, so deep was he into his memories. It was like a switch had been thrown in his brain that let out all the images he preferred to keep locked away. The one that stood out the most, probably influenced by where he was heading, was the image of his Rose, standing on a grey, windswept beach, trying to be so brave as she faced a life without him. He nearly broke down, but refrained, knowing she’d rather he stayed strong to help the people who’d befriended them a full life-time ago for him. With a last internal glimpse at his mind’s eye view of Rose, he reached out and activated the dematerialization circuit.

When Martha felt the TARDIS begin to dematerialize, she finished up her preparations and set down two cups of steaming liquid. Past experience had shown her that the Doctor was likely to end up in the kitchen for a brief chat or just to sit in companionable silence. She wasn’t disappointed. He made an appearance shortly after the tea had begun to cool, but she was shocked to see his downtrodden expression. Everything about him, from the look on his face to body language, shouted that this was a troubled soul. He gave a wan smile at the sight of two tea cups and sank down into the seat opposite her. They sat in silence, merely drinking their tea, but the mood wasn’t as comfortable as it usually was. Martha was racking her brain to think of something to say when the Doctor suddenly spoke.

“Martha, if you’d like me to drop you off at home, just say the word and we’ll be back in London in the blink of an eye. Well, not exactly a blink, you can’t really measure time in blinks, now can you? Everyone blinks at a different rate, and, well, yes, anyway, if you’d like to be with your family, just in case, that’s fine. It’s actually a good idea, really. I’ll just go and change course, shall I?” He made to get up, but Martha, having finally grasped what he was going on about, held up her hand.

“Wait, Doctor, why would I want to go home? What do you mean, just in case? Just in case of what? Isn’t it relatively straightforward to go, see Void, find hole in Void, fix hole and pop back round to Librum to set them straight?”

The Doctor dropped back into his chair. “No, Martha, it isn’t actually that simple. The Void isn’t really a set location. It’s just the boundary between universes. Parallel worlds are sort of like layer cakes, or ghosts, drifting just out of reach of each other. The Void permeates through existence, lying directly between the phases, if you will, of various overlapping worlds. If I get close enough to where the last known tear was, the TARDIS should be able to sense any similar disruptions in the membrane between us and it. But it’s a dangerous job, not just because of where the last hole was, but also because if I’m not very careful and very lucky, we could get sucked into the Void. And believe me, you do not want that to happen. Plus, there’s no guarantee that there is a hole in the Void. We could go check and find nothing wrong and then we’re back to square one. I’m not saying I’m wrong, let’s face it, I’m never, well, rarely ever, wrong, but I just don’t see how there could be another hole, unless Torchwood’s been messing about again. If there isn’t a hole, though, there’s pretty much no chance of finding the source of the problem and then the universe as we know it is pretty much at an end. That’s why, Martha Jones, you should be with your family.” He turned away, shoulders hunched with the burden Aurelia had charged him with.

Martha looked at him, shocked that one, he would even suggest that she should abandon him and two, that he was being pessimistic. He’d never, not even when stuck in 1969, been this hopeless. He was always the one to tell her to buck up and that things would be alright. She wasn’t sure which she was angrier at, but decided a good venting at him might snap him out of it. “Oi, what makes you think that I’m going to leave you? If you’re going to do this, you’re going to need some help, I’m sure. And when have you ever known me to back down from a fight? Besides, if what you said is true, about what could happen if you can’t find the hole, that every negative emotion would overtake every living being, then I don’t really want to be witness to that. I’d rather take my chances with you; you’ll figure it out, I know you will.”

She was treated to another small smile, a pale imitation of his normal ear-splitting grin. “Martha, I appreciate it, really I do; I just need a bit of time to my self right now.” He got up, reaching across the table to pat her on the shoulder, then walked quickly out of the room. Martha sighed, not knowing if she had made things better or worse.

The Doctor couldn’t sit and listen to Martha’s pep talk any longer, no matter how well- meaning. She couldn’t understand what he was feeling at the moment, mainly since he had never explained how he lost Rose and the circumstances before and after. He kept walking to his goal, resolving to tell her the whole story before they started the search through the Void. He reached his destination sooner than he had expected and sent his thanks to the old girl for taking care of him. He braced himself and entered his private sanctum. Rose’s room was virtually unchanged, except for the basket chair the TARDIS had placed there for him. Sometimes he just needed to be surrounded by her lingering presence to feel grounded. It was the best he could hope for when everything was going wrong. Especially now, heading to the site of their last conversation. Her last words, brave to the last, and his, said in a desperate, failed attempt to give her a bit of peace and finally acknowledge how he felt. He felt a familiar welling of guilt that he couldn’t even give her that. He was about to indulge in a fit of misery when he heard the TARDIS begin to rematerialize.

Martha and the Doctor arrived at the console room at the same time. Martha could tell the Doctor was barely holding it together, but wasn’t quite sure why he was so distressed, although she could guess it revolved at least partly around Rose. She watched him glance at the monitor, frown, then take a second, more intense look. She was just opening her mouth to ask where they were when the Doctor spoke.

“Martha, I know I’m not the most open when it comes to my past and things you humans love to talk on and on about. Some things I just don’t want you to know, but mostly it’s because I don’t want to relive the memories. The events up to and following Canary Wharf and my losing Rose are pretty high on the list of painful memories. I know it isn’t fair, keeping you in the dark just because it hurts, but I’ve done it anyway. Now, it’s important you understand where we are and why we’re here if you really want to stay and help.”

He paused and Martha nodded, encouraging him to continue although afraid that speaking might break his rare divulgatory mood. “Right now, we’re in orbit around a neutron star. Neutron stars are the middle phase between a star going supernova and a black hole. Usually, the process takes years and years and years, but this star in particular had a bit of help. After Rose and I launched the Cybermen and Daleks into the Void, she wound up trapped in the parallel world the Cybermen had come from, along with her mother. I had to seal up the holes between worlds, or both would have collapsed, but this star was the site of the last crack. I wanted, no, needed to say goodbye, so the TARDIS and I accelerated the decay of matter in the star, burning it up to create a supernova strong enough to broadcast a message to Rose. This neutron star is the product of my supernova. Take a look.” The Doctor stepped back from the monitor, continuing his explanation.

“I sent us to this spot synchronous with the trouble on Librum, which is about forty years in linear time since I was here the last time. There’s no way this should be a fully formed neutron star already, even with the remaining effects of the acceleration of matter decay, so something’s causing this.”

“You mean that something from the parallel world leaking through, then, could be affecting the rate of the star’s transformation? Like, the parallel world is sending energy that’s negative to this universe and canceling out the matter in the star?” Martha hazarded, trying to understand his point.

“Exactly! Martha Jones, you are learning. I’ve set the TARDIS to search for that ‘negative’ energy. This should tell us if…” He abruptly cut off, grabbing his head and biting his lip to keep from screaming as the TARDIS suddenly shuddered violently. Martha grabbed hold of the console, afraid the ship was going to tear itself apart. She looked on horrified as the Doctor nearly collapsed in pain.

The shaking stopped abruptly and Martha cautiously eased her death-grip on the console. She reached down and hauled the Doctor to his feet, asking, “What the hell was that?!”

It took a minute before the Doctor felt ready to respond. “It was awful, like a psychic howl of pain and rage and terrible, horrible loneliness. It felt like you’d never feel happy again.” He shook his head as if to clear it. “Wait, did I just quote Harry Potter?”

“You did.” Martha smiled at the incorrigibleness of her friend, then turned back to the heart of the matter. “What could have caused it? It’s not like we’re near any strong telepathic beings, right? Could it be related to Aurelia’s problem?”

“Let’s take a look,” the Doctor said, obviously recovered as he bounded over to the monitor. “Woah, take a look at that! Now that’s some strong energy transferal!” He pointed to the screen, where Martha could see the small neutron star had begun to collapse on itself. The Doctor continued, “It’s on it’s way to becoming a black hole, in less than a fraction of the time it should have taken. Something is definitely coming through. But there’s no hole, no obvious gap in the fabric of the universe. What’s causing it then?” He focused on the readings, muttering to himself and the TARDIS.

“Doctor, shouldn’t we get back to Librum and check out just how this affected Aurelia’s people? I don’t think they’re prepared to deal with this on their own.” Martha was worried how something strong enough to nearly take the Doctor down would affect a people with far less practice with dealing with their emotions.

“Right, good point. We can head back there and study the effects just as easily as here. Probably safer to be at a distance, anyway.” The Doctor continued to babble, hoping it wasn’t obvious just how desperately he wanted to get away from this twice-cursed place. There was no way he ever wanted to come back. As he set the TARDIS on course back to Librum and she began to dematerialize, a quiet howl seemed to echo through the ship.  



	7. Drinks and Fears

I always try to balance the light with the heavy - a few tears of human spirit in with the sequins and the fringes. ~Bette Midler

Rose and Mickey stayed up talking all night in Rose's quarters in Torchwood Three. It was obvious Mickey was harboring some deep-seated resentment toward her, but they had grown up so much, so quickly, and they were no longer the children they had been before the Doctor entered their lives. He was able to listen to her explanations, and understand them, even if he didn't agree with her actions. Rose, on her part, was incredibly proud of her friend. He modestly related the details to events she had read about in Torchwood reports, not downplaying his often crucial role, but stating things as they had happened. He also offered her anecdotes about her mum, which she took to heart. Once the gates of her past had creaked open, she found herself starving for news of her family. Her desire to know what they were up to did not, however, override her common sense in changing her mind and letting her mum know she was alive.

"So, jus' how does this regeneration thing of your work?" a slightly tipsy Mickey was asking.

"Not sure, really. I just go black for a bit, then wake up. I really hate that part; s'like I've got pins and needles everywhere. And no, don' know how or if it's permanent. It's been gettin' worse coming back lately. Like it's taking more time or something." Rose paused to ruminate on the curveballs life can throw. "It's not fun, but if I can keep my team alive, then it's worth the sacrifice. I just can't risk letting anyone know about it. Can you imagine what R&D would do with me? I'd be locked up for good, no matter how great of a contribution my team makes. Had enough of prisons to last me a lifetime, not to mention, I really don' wanna become a human pincushion for the med teams."

Mickey opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it again. Rose recognized the signs of a question he was hesitant to ask, so just waited for him to decide if he would or not. She didn't have to wait long before Mickey brought his head up to meet her gaze. "Do you think the Doctor knew? About you, I mean."

Rose felt her chest constrict as she tried to breathe normally. It had been a long time since someone had mentioned His name in her presence, and although she had said it herself earlier, having someone else say it brought back all of her repressed feelings and memories. It made it true that she was stuck in a world alternate to her own and that she was cut off from the one person who truly knew and understood her. She forcefully pushed the chaotic emotions back with the ease of long practice to answer Mickey's question.

"I don' know, Mick. I really don't. He changed so much after the regeneration and we were always on the go, getting into trouble all the way across the universe. It took us so long to get back to where we were before the GameStation, and he was never really one for sittin' and talkin'." She paused, then continued, "The TARDIS knew, though. I think she was the one who did it. I can' really remember everything, but I know I could understand her better and it was like she was giving me hints about what she had done. But I don' think the Doctor could have known. He would have said something, right? Besides, would he have gone into all that 'wither and die' stuff, if he knew I wouldn't leave 'im? I tol' him I wasn't gonna leave him, ever. What if he did know, and was just waiting to get rid of me? I'd be like the companion who'd never go; he wouldn't have the excuse of me getting' old to give me the push. What if…"

"Rose! Calm down! You can't believe what you're saying. Just take a deep breath and relax. I was just wondering, cos, maybe if 'e did know, 'e could fix you. We've been studying the Void back at T1, so I was just wondering, if, well, if you'd want to go back if we ever managed to crack through. Without the whole universe blowing up, that is."

Rose was stunned for a moment. "Wait, why've you been studying the Void? I thought Pete gave strict orders to leave it alone after the whole Cyberman thing? And why didn't I know about it?"

Mickey looked down and shrugged embarrassedly, "I kinda started studying it again, after you'd died. I wanted to see if I could let the Doctor know, figured he'd want to know you went out fighting and defendin' the earth. Pete knows about it, and sends me reports of other investigations. I haven't made a whole lot of progress, but me and Jake are pretty much Void experts now. We know why it's there and how, but no idea about how to break through it safely yet."

Rose sat there, not sure of how to react to anything he'd said. "Mickey, I don't know what to say. You were willing to spend all that time, just to tell the Doctor I'd died fighting?"

He nodded and Rose threw herself at him, crying into his shoulder. He really was the best and she was suddenly terribly ashamed at the way she'd constantly treated him, in either universe. Mickey patted her shoulder awkwardly, not really sure what he'd said wrong. She soon calmed down and, sniffling, gave him a tight squeeze.

"Mickey, you know I'd do anything to go back. Especially now that I'm 'dead'. You and mum were my main reasons for trying to fit in, but I really, really don't belong here. I know this is selfish of me, but this isn't my life, no matter how hard I try."

"I know, and I swear, I'm gonna keep working on a way to get through the Void. Cos your mum and I fit here, but you've never really had a place. We'll get you back to the Doctor, somehow."

Rose was interrupted in her response by her mobile going off. "Smith," she answered brusquely. She listened intently for a minute, then disconnected the call. "C'mon, Mick, time to save the day again. Since you're here, we may as well relive the glory days. That was our arrival team notifying me of an unscheduled, unannounced landing of a cloaked ship on our helipad. The captain said she needed to speak to someone in charge, so we'd better hurry. Ever since the Assamites began their guerrilla attacks, my security staff has been a bit jumpy." They hurried through the halls, now bristling with activity.

Rose and Mickey arrived at the conference room where all non-threatening guests were taken. Mickey was impressed by Rose's immediate professionalism and air of command. She'd always been proficient, but had maintained a casual air. Now, the mantle of command was practically visible as she questioned aides and accepted files thrust in her direction. Rose turned and gestured impatiently at him.

"Mickey, would you like to get in on this on? I'd like you to be in there with me for the preliminary talk, so you can take it back to Pete, if necessary." 'Nancy's' elevated speech patterns and altered stance were firmly back in place, much to Mickey's admiration.

"Sure thing, Ms. Smith. Lead the way." Rose shot him a smile for understanding and walked confidently through the doors. Mickey, following close behind, almost rammed into her back as Rose suddenly froze in mid-step, crying with surprise, "Aurelia?"


	8. Eureka Moment

I want my life to effect the balance to the positive. ~ Mira Sorvino

Their return to Librum was made in much the same manner as their departure. Both occupants of the TARDIS kept to themselves, one hiding in the library, the other ensconced in the console room. Even the TARDIS herself seemed quieter, with a haunted atmosphere sweeping the corridors. Martha couldn't recall another time when the ship had seemed quite so alien to her. Shivering, she got up from her comfortable seat to walk over to the corner shelf where she knew she had seen a stack of cozy blankets. Grabbing a pretty blue and green tartan she hoped would help elevate her mood, she yanked it out from its position in the middle of the stack. As she did so, a surprisingly solid object tumbled out onto the floor, pulled out of its hiding place in the wake of the blanket. Curious, she picked it up, and slowly walked back to her perch to contemplate it in comfort. Settling in and nesting the blanket around her, she held the object flat in her palm to inspect it. Cuboid, it was made of a curiously non-reflective metal that had a slightly oily feel to it. Tentatively, Martha reached out a finger to stroke the obviously alien texture. As the pad of her finger made contact, she was suddenly bombarded by a mental picture of a face, surrounded by blonde hair and wearing a cheeky grin.

"Woah!" Martha cried out, almost dropping the cube from sheer surprise. Instantly putting two and two together and getting Rose, she seriously regarded the object. Did she really want to go there if this was some futuristic photo album? Despite the Doctor's opening up earlier, she still really didn't know anything about her predecessor or why the Doctor was so hung-up on her. Really, she wasn't jealous (much) anymore. Decision made with her infamous lack of hesitation, Martha again pressed her forefinger to the cube. Rose appeared again in her mind's eye, this time dressed in a short skirt with a long colourful scarf 'round her neck, bearing an extremely mischievous look. Martha studied the image, closing her eyes to better focus. The girl was young, much younger than Martha had anticipated and, given her hair colour and heavy eye make-up, she was uncomfortably reminded of her father's current paramour. She shook off that comparison though, because Rose's image was practically radiating a warm personality. She still wasn't clued in to the unshakeable hold this ghost had on the Doctor, but Martha felt better, knowing that this girl wasn't a vapid twit with a pretty face. Now, the question was, did she risk showing the Doctor her find, or did she assume that he had been the one to hide the device? Well, nothing to be gained by a faint heart. She had learned that if nothing else in the past few months. Gingerly holding her prize, she trotted to the console room, where the Doctor sat on the jump seat, predictably, in Martha's experience, brooding.

"Doctor, I was just in the library, and I found this…thing tucked inside the blanket I was using. I picked it up and an image forced itself into my brain, and well… I just wanted to know what it was and what kind of device is was, since it'd be a pretty handy way to store the family photos, no messing with albums and what not. And anyway, yeah, here it is." Martha cut her unintentional ramble short. She really had been around him too long.

The Doctor sucked in a breath when he saw what Martha was holding. He didn't need to use the Taxis cube to remember when he, Jack and Rose had picked up the set. They had been trolling the night-air markets, enjoying the lightshow of comets overhead, when Jack had pointed out a so-called junk dealer. He and Jack had enthusiastically started sorting through the piles of the flotsam and jetsam of various worlds, hoping to find something rare, while Rose had stood by, making faces and muttering good-naturedly about boys and toys. Jack had been digging through a bin and had reverently pulled out the set of memory cubes. Typically there were five in a set that were linked together, so that when one was updated with an image, all its counterparts received the same imprint. There were only three left of this set and who knew how long they had been floating around. He still remembered the uncharacteristic look of awe on Jack's face, a look that only amplified when Rose suggested they each keep one, so they could always feel linked together. Of course, they all had enjoyed goofing around with some of the memories, spending many an evening telling stories sparked by the images on the cubes. Rose, he knew, had never touched hers after the loss of Jack, so he had taken it on himself to update it. It was just as well that she hadn't played with hers, as Jack had taken to carrying his with him, and was using it to keep tabs on them after the GameStation, which the Doctor returned in kind. On spotting his after Canary Wharf, the Doctor had loaded the events so Jack would be aware as he was still too broken and basically afraid to face him, and then, in a fit of rage that was occurring far too often these days, had tried to destroy it. The TARDIS had snatched it away, stashing it somewhere he had never found. He stared at the cube, still in Martha's outstretched palm. He really didn't want to take it, not sure he was up to any more walks down memory lane for the next, ooh, five years or so. Fortunately, the TARDIS decided to announce their arrival back on Librum, so Martha was obliged to drop the cube on the jumpseat in order to hang on.

Once they landed, closer to Aurelia's village this time, the duo stepped out into pure chaos. Martha immediately noticed that the scales on the statue had tipped further out of balance. Librae were milling around the court, some looking lost, some fearful, and one or two rather angry. Aurelia ran up to them, having spotted the TARDIS materializing.

"Doctor, it has happened again. The balance shifted and suddenly we all felt waves of emotion foreign to us. I've had to ground the diplomatic force and recall those still offworld. Doctor, please tell me you have found something of use?" The Libra was practically quaking with the effort to remain moderately calm.

The Doctor hated the look on her face; he had seen it on countless worlds and hated it a little more every time. It was a look of such hope and trust in him to do what was necessary and set things right. He wasn't a bloody god! He couldn't do everything! Saving people was a give and take operation with…he stopped dead still for a moment, mouth still hanging open to speak. What? What if something wasn't coming through so much as being pulled out through the neutron star…the neutron star created out of the supernova that he had used to power a message through the last hole in the Void to telepathically reach out to one Rose Tyler, in conjunction with the TARDIS who was already linked to Rose in multiple ways. Oh, idiot! Smack him on the forehead and call him Mickey, he was thick. He had quite possibly somehow linked Rose to her home universe, and something was using that connection to pull matter through, thus accelerating the deterioration of the neutron star into a black hole and upsetting the balance of the universe. Blimey, this was not one of his shining moments.

It suddenly penetrated his fog of furious thought that both Martha and Aurelia were calling him, sounding concerned. The Doctor supposed he looked a bit daft with his mouth wide open and staring off into the distance. He coughed lightly, using it as a cover to bring his hand up and surreptitiously check for drool.

"Doctor? Are you alright?" Martha was more than concerned about the emotional impact the whole situation was having on him. It was bad enough that he had to go save the whole universe, but he had painful personal elements sneaking in as well.

"I'm better than alright, I'm brilliant!" The Doctor nearly shouted jubilantly. "I've got the what, just need the whos, whys, and hows, along with a healthy dose of how do I stop it." He was grinning with abandon, having moved one step closer to saving the universe, again.

"Well, don't keep us in suspense! What's going on, then?" Martha was not known for her patience.

"Simple really, don't know why I didn't think of it before. I set up the TARDIS to scan for negative energy coming in, not our normal, or positive, energy going out. Something's pulling the energy from this universe, using the neutron star as a focal point, and it's accelerating the matter decay because of all the energy flowing out through it. It's doing it in spurts though, which is why we're getting waves of reactions. And the violent, angry reaction is a result of us losing energy, not gaining it." His grin was near blinding now, but Aurelia was used to her friend's traits, as was Martha, and they could both tell he wasn't giving them everything.

"Doctor, what else do you know? Please, it may save us all!" Aurelia was done messing about; if he knew something, he would tell her!

The Doctor raised a had to rub the back of his neck. "The only problem is that it somehow has to be linked to Rose, because I may have," he paused and turned his face into his still upraised cuff to mutter, "inadvertently linked her to this universe through the supernova, now neutron star." His hand dropped and his demeanor became more serious. "Rose was already linked to the TARDIS, and when I used the old girl to form a telepathic connection with her to say goodbye, somehow the energy output must have grabbed on and grounded Rose to this universe, leaving a conduit for energy to flow out through the star."

Martha was puzzled. "Linked? You mean like how the TARDIS gets inside my head to translate?"

The Doctor's expression grew more severe. "Yes, but Rose was also closely bound to the TARDIS after looking into her heart to come back to save me from the Daleks when the Emperor was regrouping." He sighed, realizing that his policy of not talking about past companions was coming around to bite him in uncomfortable places. "Long story, short. They both wanted to act to save me, and Rose's empathy had already aligned her so closely with the TARDIS that it only took a small nudge to set them in sync. They came back to me, decimating the Dalek fleet, and saving my life before Rose's body collapsed from the strain of harnessing all that power. I took it out of her and I thought, well, hoped really that after that things would be normal. I never sat down and talked with Rose about it, and it didn't seem to affect her, so I let it lie. Now though, I'm realizing that their connection never really went away, which means that my routing the power of the supernova through the TARDIS essentially powered their link enough that part of Rose is grounded to this universe, keeping a connection open." He was beyond angry at himself, both for avoiding the issue with Rose and for creating the situation.

"But what's pulling the energy out and how can we stop it?" Martha got at the crux of the matter.

"C'mon, back to the TARDIS. I need to have words with my ship. Aurelia," the Doctor said, turning to his forlorn looking friend, "we will fix this. It was a good idea to recall everyone, but I think you should look into isolating those who have been on violent planets. Treat this like an epidemic and we may be able to avoid anymore events like earlier."

The Libra nodded, resolve entering her features as she turned back to her people, leaving the Doctor and Martha to trot back into the TARDIS.

The Doctor addressed his oldest friend, "Now, old girl, why don't you stop playing coy and tell me what you know."


	9. On the Other Side

I balanced all, brought all to mind, the years to come seemed waste of breath, a waste of breath the years behind, in balance with this life, this death. ~ William Butler Yeats

Rose stared in shock at the Libra, distantly aware that this was an alternate version of the woman she had befriended, but unable to completely make that cognitive jump.

"Yes, that is my name. How do you come to know it?" the Aurelia doppelganger said, rising to meet her hosts. Rose could see that while physically identical, this Aurelia lacked the fluid grace of her counterpart and held herself rigidly, as if constantly braced for a blow. She was also more gaunt than the other one.

Rose started to respond, but was cut off, although in typically polite Librae manner, "No matter. I have come to discuss a most serious problem with the balance of our universe. Your world has gained a reputation as being most able when dealing with potentially disastrous situations and we of Librum have kept close attention, which was useful in this situation, as normally your current development would not warrant another glance. My world functions in a universal role as your organization does for this planet, which is to keep the balance and fix problems where they arise." The Libra was practically swaying on her feet with the effort to stay upright and Mickey swiftly moved to help her into her seat. Rose was still in shock, but was starting to recover. She and Mickey took seats as well. Rose was concerned about something happening that was catastrophic enough for the balance-keepers to seek out the still-backwards Earth, yet she had had no forewarning, other than her Doctor-honed sense of trouble.

"Why don't we start from the beginning. I'm R…Nancy Smith, head of this branch of Torchwood and this is Mickey Smith, second in command of Torchwood London." Rose was rattled enough that she almost dropped her cover, something that hadn't happened in ages. "What's going on that you would come to us?"

The Libra seemed to be slowly recovering, and said, "For some time now, something has been flooding this universe with energy from another in massive amounts and at varying times and it is having the most grievous effect on the balance. You see, there are many universes, each lying just out of reach…"

"Yes, we're aware of alternate worlds," Mickey interjected, not liking this one bit. It was a bit too close to what the Cyberman of this world had perpetrated on their home universe.

The Libra, sensing the negative emotions of the two humans, looked sharply between them. She gasped, a sure sign of flustered nerves in an emotionally neutral people, and, hand shaking, pointed at Rose.

"You…you are at the centre of this! We had traced the disturbance to this world, but to have so much Other energy bound in one form….this should be impossible!"

Rose wasn't quite sure what to make of this. Surely if she was filled with the energy of home, Mickey would be as well. She pressed the intercom on the table, saying, "Tessa, I need all recording devices turned off and the staff to go back to their regular duties. Mr. Smith and I can take it from here." There was a brief acknowledgement that her orders had been carried out.

Rose shared a look with Mickey before saying, "What I'm about to tell you is not common knowledge, but it may clarify the problem for you. Not that we were aware it was a problem, but…Anyway, due to unfortunate events, there are three people in this universe, myself and Mickey included, who were not originally born here. We, along with my mother, come from another universe, very closely parallel to this one. Mickey's been here for nearly four years, while my mother and I arrived about a year later. You're aware of the events involving beings from this world punching through the Void around that time?"

The Libra inclined her head, "Yes, but that was a matter of our energy flowing outward. It was restored in a mass event that culminated in the sealing of the cracks in the Void, or so we thought."

"Right, that was the event that trapped me…us, here. But the holes were sealed; I know who did it and he made sure nothing could leak through." Rose was confused as to why it was suddenly a problem when they had been here for so long, and why she seemed to draw the Libra's attention.

"Regardless, the energy-pulling events have occurred. And the energy is focused directly on you. Knowing you come from a different universe is helpful, but you are entirely made of Other energy, in a way that this one is not," she said, nodding at Mickey. "That is how you knew me, is it not? You met my counterpart in the Other." Rose nodded. Aurelia continued, "I had hoped to find the solution on this world, but instead have only more questions. How are you pulling such vast quantities of energy; what are you using it for? Have you no idea what the consequences of your actions are to the state of this universe?" Aurelia's voice was both accusatory and frightened.

"Hey, settle down. We don't know anything about this energy, but we can help, yeah? Just calm down a bit." Mickey was disturbed that this alien seemed to be accusing Rose of something. "We haven't registered any changes or any weird flowing energy. Are you sure this is related to us? And just what's this energy doing?"

The Libra visibly collected herself. "My apologies, but we have watched the effects of the Other energy grow ever more serious. As the balance strains, my people grow more listless and other races, notably the most aggressive, are becoming more moderate in their reactions. Ordinarily I would find this a good event, but not at the cost of universe-wide depression. If the attacks continue, contact between worlds will cease, as races become disinterested in interaction. The Other energy is placing a blanket over the normal order of things. The latest event was only this past cycle of your sun and I am fearful of what I will find when I return home."

Rose suddenly put it together. Slowly, she said, "How many individual events have you recorded and when were they?"

"The first was two of your years ago. Since then there have been four more discrete instances, occurring with no apparent pattern, as well as the events of yesterday."

Damn it, she was right. It was her fault. Mickey snapped his head around to look at Rose, having just figured it out as well. "Aurelia," she began, leaning forward to touch the Libra's hands. She never got to finish her statement, for as soon as her hand made contact with Aurelia's, the Libra went rigid.

"So much power! You do not belong here; your purpose has not been fulfilled and is not here!"

Rose withdrew her hand, not wanting to refute the statement, but it hurt none the less. "You're right; the energy events are about me. But I'm not doing it on purpose! It's just when I kind of, well, die…See a while ago, before I came to this universe, I was traveling with a man, a wonderful, amazing man." Rose told the whole story of the Doctor, the TARDIS, and the GameStation, then the events of her deaths. The Libra listened in awe, while Mickey sat quietly, mentally sorting through his knowledge of the Void to see if he knew anything that could help.

As Rose drew her story to a close, Aurelia sat still, then said, "I thank you for trusting me with your story. It is clear now that you are indeed the source of the energy. When you die, as you say, something within you draws on the energy of Other and revives you, keeping you constantly filled with energy not native to this universe. Somehow, your death releases all of the previous life energy into this universe, which is causing the imbalance. Ordinarily, the life energy of one individual would not cause such a reaction, but you are filled with power, and the continual releases are only aggravating the problem. We must find a way to stop you from reviving and spreading foreign energy."

"Ok, so the solution is that I have to get back to my original universe, since I can't seem to die permanently. I suppose we could always test the theory that I can't revive forever, but I'm not really a fan of that plan. I also don't really like the idea of sitting at home, terrified to move in case something kills me and pulls more energy through. I can't live in fear of dying; who knows when or if I'll ever actually die? The only way would be to send me back, but I don't know how to get across the Void." Rose turned to Mickey, "Your research hasn't turned anything up, right? So how am I supposed to get home?" Rose supposed she should be feeling something, especially at the slightest prospect of seeing the Doctor, but she was completely numb with guilt. This was all her fault.

"There is a way," the Libra said slowly, almost reluctantly. "There is a way, but both worlds of Librum from each universe must focus their energies and pull these two universes into momentary synch. It will not be easy and cannot last for more than the briefest moment, but if you are ready at a thin point in the Void, you should be able to cross over. You are of the Other, which should ease the transition, but you must have an anchor through the Void who is able to psychically guide you through. Will the Time Lord open his mind to you? I sense you have a strong connection, but you have doubts, do you not? Those doubts must be removed or you will be lost to the Space Between."

Aurelia seemed ready to collapse, so Rose recalled Tessa and had her escort their guest to temporary quarters. She and Mickey stayed in the conference room, stunned by the turn of events.

"Rose, are you serious about trying this? This sounds like a really big risk. And how are you doubting the Doctor? We went over this last night." Mickey was torn between wanting to stop this crazy idea of Rose leaving, having just found her again, and fulfilling his promise of the past night to do anything to get her back to the Doctor.

"I can't help it, Mick. I don't even know what's happened to me; we never talked about it after he regenerated. I know I have to at least try to get back, since I seem to be causing the end of the universe here, but I'm scared, more so than before. I won't have you or Mum, and what happens if he doesn't want me, or worse, keeps me for a bit then drops me on Earth?" Rose started to tear up, "It's like I'm not even human anymore! I don't know where I belong. I'm killing this universe, but if I make it home, I can't stay on Earth. I can't live in one place never dying and maybe never ageing. I'd fit on the TARDIS, but it's been three years! He's bound to've moved on. If I could just talk to him, tell him what's goin' on and have him explain everything about the GameStation…" her voice trailed off.

Mickey watched her expression change from distraught to hopeful. "What, Rose, what are you thinking?"

"Mickey, I've got it! I need to talk to Aurelia, and see if this could work, but I may be able to talk to the Doctor after all!" Rose jumped from her seat and ran out the door.


	10. Ever Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm a horrible person. I know this and am quite reconciled to it.

If the blood humor is too strong and robust, calm it with balance and harmony. ~ Xun Zi

As the Doctor spoke to the TARDIS, Martha contemplated everything she'd learned, especially about the Doctor's lost Rose. Regardless of her occasional bouts of jealous pondering, she'd long understood that anyone who had such a hold on someone as emotionally controlled as the Doctor was no Annalise. Now Martha was faced with trying to decide, if sent home by the Doctor from a situation he deemed beyond hope, if she would have been as determined to do anything to get back to him, even if it was just to die with him. She liked to think so, but wasn't sure she really wanted to examine that any further. She was also concerned how this situation, centering on Rose as it was, would affect her friend, especially if it came down to having to sever the last link to her. She tuned back in to the one sided conversation as the Doctor's voice grew increasingly strident.

"What d'you mean, you won't tell me? This is Rose, old girl, our Rose. I know you care about her too, so I don't understand why you won't just tell me what's keeping you linked!" The Doctor was practically tearing his hair out in frustration. The TARDIS was refusing to give him any details about the still-flowing connection between herself and Rose, although she had smugly acknowledged it was present. He was beginning to get a glimmer of understanding as to why his companions had always been so frustrated with him withholding information and coming across as the omniscient alien. It was damned annoying!

The TARDIS chimed a reproachful note in his mind that he would attempt to blackmail her over their shared feelings for Rose. She was teasing him with not letting him in, although she reassured him that things were working out the way they were supposed to.

"Oh, that's helpful. It's the end of the universe and you're telling me it's supposed to be this way? Somehow I really can't see that!" the Doctor snapped at his ship. Martha simply stayed quiet, knowing she wasn't apart of this exchange. Running his hands through his hair, the Doctor attempted to get a hold of his temper.

"I don't want to lose the last bit of Rose I have in this universe, but I can't let you stay connected if it means the end of everything, just like I couldn't destroy both universes to get her back when we first lost her. She wouldn't want you to keep holding on, not at this price. Especially if something's controlling her to pull out the energy. We need to figure out how to stop you two being connected and I can't do that if you don't tell me what you're hiding." The Doctor's shoulders sagged as he realized he had been holding on to the fact that Rose was still present in the TARDIS, once he determined it was the tie between them holding the hole open.

Martha had to butt in at that, "Doctor, if there's a hole, and energy is flowing from here to there, isn't there a chance that you could use it to reverse the flow and pull Rose through? That would stop the energy loss and let you have Rose back. And if you thought energy flowing into our universe was bad, doesn't that mean that our energy flowing into hers is just as problematic?"

He smiled sadly. "Oh, Martha, I wish it could bring her back, but she'd have to be completely converted into energy to do that. This hole isn't so much physical as just an exchange of material, the fabric of life, so to speak. But you're right, this has to be having just as catastrophic an effect on that universe. Which is why," he grit his teeth and resumed addressing the TARDIS, "certain stubborn parties need to give over and tell me how to sever the connection."

The TARDIS buzzed a rude noise, but condescended to let her Time Lord know that Aurelia was outside and was going to be needed for what would happen next. The Doctor shot the console a dirty look at her continuing recalcitrance, but moved to open the door.

"Aurelia, come on in. Apparently, the TARDIS has plans that include you, not that I know what those plans are." His tone indicated his extreme displeasure at his ship.

"Well, now that we're all here, care to grace us with what we're supposed to do, or do we not get to know?" The Doctor realized that he was being petulant, but it wasn't fair! His TARDIS wasn't supposed to keep things from him. Oh, he had long ago realized they would never have the conventional TARDIS-Time Lord relationship where he was in charge, he actually rather liked their partnership, but this was going a step too far!

Hearing the TARDIS sound a message in his mind, he cut his mental rambling short before he could actually start pouting. Aurelia and Martha watched as his jaw slowly went slack and his eyes light on the Taxis memory cube still on the jumpseat. Turning to his friends, there was a spark in his eye that Martha hadn't seen before, but Aurelia recognized from his previous incarnation.

"Are you sure?" The words came out in a breath, barely a whisper as the Doctor started to let himself hope. Getting a positive response, he started to grin uncontrollably, nearly shouting, "Oh, and I can't believe I'm going to say this, but fantastic!"

"What, Doctor, what'd she say?" Martha was beyond impatience. She watched, stunned, as he lunged for the jumpseat, snatching up the cube he had been so reluctant to touch earlier.

"Oh, my beautiful, wonderful, magnificent ship has just informed me that she can sense the connection with Rose and it seems that brilliant human is using our paired memory cubes, not that I even knew she had hers, and is somehow tapping into the shared energy to create a telepathic link. All I have to do is link up with the cube and we can find out what's happening on her end. The TARDIS doesn't actually know how to break off the connection without harming Rose, but if the three of us can connect mentally, we can try to figure it out!" The Doctor was practically giggling at the chance to talk to his Rose, even for the purposes of completely sealing her into another universe. He'd have the chance to make-up for being cut off during their last good-bye.

Martha was amazed at the change in his demeanor. She didn't think she'd ever seen him this sincerely lighthearted. Oh, he'd acted the part, and quite well, but now she could tell the difference. She also realized he was nervous and stalling.

"Doctor, if you can do that, why aren't you?" _Bingo_ , she thought. She was right on, given the brief flash of complete terror that went across his face. Gently, she said, "Doctor, answer her. I'm sure she's missed you just as much as you've missed her."

The Doctor gulped, rather impressed that Martha'd been able to figure out his hesitation, but was overcome with trepidation at talking to Rose. He wasn't sure he'd survive saying good-bye again. Aurelia, having been forgotten in the uproar, approached and calmly put her hand over his, guiding it to the proper position on the cube. He felt her influence wash over him, driving back the uncertainty. He smiled appreciatively, then closed his eyes and reached out.

_Rose?_


	11. Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally! But it's not over yet!

Having stumbled along in Rose's frenetic wake, Mickey found himself first at the guest quarters, where they picked up an exhausted looking Aurelia, then back to the artefact storeroom for a brief stop. Heading back to Rose's quarters, after leaving explicit instructions they were not to be disturbed, Aurelia and Mickey settled themselves into convenient armchairs and turned to look at Rose. The object of their scrutiny was sitting on the couch in her sitting room, turning something over in her hands, frowning at it. Mickey recognized the Taxis memory cube that had clued him in to the true identity of 'Nancy Smith', even before he'd seen her and known her as Rose.

"Rose, what's that going to do? It needs to be part of a set to work." He hated to crush the suppressed excitement he could see in her movements, but without a full set of cubes, the thing was basically a photo album.

"The other parts are in the other universe." Rose said, still turning it over in her hands without activating it. She looked up, "We all had one, me, the Doctor and Jack. This one is mine. I'm not sure why I tucked it in my pocket that day at Torchwood, but it stayed with me, and I'm glad of it. I prob'ly should've gotten rid of it when I became 'Nancy', but it was all I had left of the Doctor, besides my Superphone and the TARDIS key. I was just getting ready to let it go, which is why it was in the storeroom where you found it. I'm not sure how it works, but I know they share some sort of link that activates when you preserve a memory to one and it gets spread to all. I was hoping that Aurelia could somehow use my other universe energy to patch in a telepathic link. I can leave a message for the Doctor, letting him know what's been going on here and hopefully he can find a way to get back to me so I can talk to 'im, or at least find a way to close off the connection. There's obviously still a gap left in the Void if I'm bringing energy across, so maybe he can do another hologram? I don't even know if he still uses his, but I'd be willing to bet the TARDIS could trace the energy transference and let him know something was up."

Mickey was impressed, but realized he really shouldn't be. Rose wasn't the same shopgirl he'd been in love with years ago; he knew that and had seen the change happen, but occasionally she still managed to catch him off guard.

Rose turned to Aurelia, wishing she could have let her rest as she again took in the greyed, gaunt features. "Can you do it? The other you…the you in the other…you know who I mean, she was a healer. We sat and talked one night and she told me that her gift was to balance out someone's energies and direct them where they needed to go in order to make a person feel better, an' I thought this would be kinda similar, if on a bigger scale."

The Libra was silent and Rose's heart sank, but then she nodded. "This would be much easier than sending you through, and we can consider this a practice for if your Time Lord agrees to anchor you through the Void." She looked intently at Rose. "You wish to do this immediately." It wasn't a question.

"I figure, the sooner the better. I mean, I'm not planning on dying again any time soon, but if things have gotten worse and then not stabilized after each of my deaths, we want to find a way to make things fully better as fast as possible, right? Besides, who knows when or if the Doctor'll even pick up his memory cube." Curbing her impatience, she continued, "If you need to rest first, tha's fine, too. It's not like the world'll implode overnight, right?"

"I am fine to do this. You are so thoroughly of the Other that it will be easy to direct your flow through this cube. You will need to maintain an awareness of self, however, or risk leaving your consciousness in the Void."

Aurelia visibly gathered herself, and then touched both Rose and the cube at the same time. "Just access the cube as per your usual fashion, but focus the memories on what has occurred recently. If you don't concentrate, I do not know what effect sending both energy and your thoughts could have. I am uncertain as to how long I will be able to keep the energy flowing outward, but you should be able to leave your message."

Rose closed her eyes to aid her concentration and placed her hands on the cube appropriately. She thought hard about what Aurelia had said about the state of her people and that it was energy from their home universe causing the damage. She was just psyching herself up to add her deaths, knowing the Doctor would not be happy about that, when all of a sudden she heard the second most wonderful sound in two universes, after the TARDIS. The Doctor's voice echoed through her head, _Rose?_

Rose jumped, startled beyond belief. It couldn't be, could it? _Doctor?_

_It's me. Hello!_

_Oh, God, is this real? Is it really you, or am I trapped inside the cube? That's it, isn't it? Aurelia didn't know what would happen and now I'm stuck in my memories. Oh, this is just brilliant._

_It is brilliant, actually, but, Rose, it's me, honest. The TARDIS sensed you accessing the cube link and is boosting the connection you have with her so we can chat. I didn't know you had your cube with you that day. What a stroke of luck, eh? Well done for being…_

_DOCTOR!_

_Sorry._

_Ok, now I believe it's you. You can't half ramble, even in your head. Or, hang on, are we in my head or yours?_ The realization that it was her Doctor, that she was actually talking to her best friend and the love of her life made her completely forget about Mickey and Aurelia.

_I'm not sure actually. Does it really matter?_ His mental tone changed from hyper to tender. _Rose Tyler, I never thought I'd get to talk, well, I say talk…How are you?_

Rose wasn't quite sure how to reply. I'm not dead, at the moment at least? I miss you more than I ever thought possible? She settled for _I've been better, but it's not the worst place I could have ended up. Oh, God, I thought I'd never get to hear your voice again! How long's it been for you? It's been three years here._

_Not quite that long on this side. Oh, Rose, I don't want to waste this opportunity, but I need to get down to business. We're having some problems on this side of the Void with…_

_Energy flowing over to us here. We know. That's why I was trying to leave you a message on the cube. The Aurelia from this universe's Librum came to warn us about the effect the energy transfer's having, which is not good. It's pretty much draining her people and other hyper-emotional species._

_Yeah, it's having the opposite effect here. We landed on Librum and found that emotions across the board are exploding out. I'd guess it's a reaction to try to fill the void from the energy loss, while you're being practically flattened by the excess energy._

Rose's attention had caught on one word and before she could edit her thoughts, _We?_ slipped out. She winced, not having wanted to harp on that. She'd known he'd have someone else; he was so alone in the universe and company kept the nightmares at bay. She just didn't expect it to have hurt.

There was a bit of silence, then, in an infinitely gentle tone, _Oh, Rose._

_No, Doctor, I'm sorry. Really. I'm glad you're not on your own. Someone has to look after you! But really, we need to focus. Aurelia didn't know how long she could maintain the energy flow._

_I meant to ask how you were accomplishing the link. I didn't think you'd changed that much that you were telepathic now!_

Rose was silent. Now that it was time to tell him, she couldn't. She couldn't face his reaction to knowing she wasn't the same any more.

_Rose?...Rose, I can still feel you there…What is it?_

_I…I can't! I know, this is so important, but I can't!_

_Rose, what? What can't you tell me? C'mon, this is me, you know you can tell me anything. Hasn't been that long that you've forgotten that, has it?_

Rose felt the undercurrent of pain in his last thought and realized she was causing him to wonder about his place in her life, after all this time. Silly Time Lord. Didn't he know that she'd love him forever, even if her forever had gotten a whole lot longer? _Oh, no Doctor, I know I can. It's just, 'm scared._

_Rose, does this have anything to do with someone using you to pull the energy of this universe through to yours? Is someone forcing it through you?_ There was a definite undercurrent of steel in the Doctor's mental voice.

Rose hadn't even contemplated his thoughts turning in that direction. She'd figured he'd probably realize the energy was attached to her, or at least the TARDIS would have, but he'd definitely jumped to the worse case scenario.

_No, Doctor, no one's forcing me to do anything. But the energy is coming through me. Aurelia's guiding the energy from me back out to you using the link between the memory cubes. 'm not quite sure how it's just me, but since Mum and Mickey aren't affected, I'm thinking it's left over from the GameStation. I know you don't like to talk about it, but I think it's kinda crucial at this point, wouldn't you say?_ Rose inflected her thoughts with her command persona. She figured she'd have to tell him about the little inability to stay dead, but her fear for his reaction, especially as he'd blame himself, drove her to the offensive.

The Doctor mentally sighed. _I should know better than to underestimate you, Rose Tyler. How much do you remember from that day? Other than the regeneration._

_Umm, it's all kinda foggy. Before…before Canary Wharf, the TARDIS had been helping me remember a bit._ She laughed at the muttered curse at his ship she heard. _Don't blame her. It's not like you were talking about it and I think looking into her heart to come back to you was a pretty significant thing I should remember. I'm guessing that somehow tied me to the Vortex energy of home, didn't it?_

_Well done, Rose, that's exactly what happened._ Feeling his pride in her was like sinking into a warm bath, but she knew it was time to tell him the rest. 

Steeling her nerves, aware that the connection could fade at any moment, Rose continued. _Doctor, there's more. The thing I'm scared to tell you…You know the energy flow's tied to me, but do you know why it's coming through in spurts? Well, I think the TARDIS made it so I wouldn't die from holding the Vortex, but she didn't turn it off._

_Rose, what are you saying?_ There was ice in the Doctor's tone. 

_I seem to have a problem staying dead._

There was nothing, absolutely no response from the Doctor. Rose sat perfectly still, not even daring to hold a thought in her head. 

All of a sudden, she heard a stream of familiar curses in a stream of various languages. More than that, she felt the Doctor's complete disgust and anger, which struck her like the lash of a whip. 

Very softly, aching with the fact that her Doctor was revolted with her condition, she thought, _'m sorry._

The curses abruptly cut off. _No, oh, no Rose! This isn't your fault, I'm not upset with you! I'm upset with the fact that I'm such a damn prideful, arrogant pillock that I didn't even think what the effect of holding the Vortex could be on you and just strutted around, all happy that I survived another regeneration and you stayed with me. Oh, Rose, I'm so sorry. Please, can you ever forgive me?_

_Doctor, there's nothing to forgive. The TARDIS and I wanted to save you, no matter what. I knew there could be consequences, and well, I can live with it. Not much choice about that actually._ Rose was rather impressed with her inadvertent pun, but the Doctor found it less than amusing. 

_Rose, it's really not funny. Hold on, the fact that you know this…Rose, does that mean you've DIED?_

_Only a few…ok, five times, but they were mostly accidents! I told you on the beach, I'm working with Torchwood. I have to protect this Earth._

_Oh, Rose. Always the Defender of Earth! Hang on, 'mostly' accidents? Rose Marion Tyler, you explain that right now!_

Oops. 

_Doctor, we might be running out of time._ Again, Rose privately added. _Anyway, the energy transfers whenever I die. The old energy flows out, causing the imbalance over here, then I get filled up with fresh juice, draining it from over there._

_And did you perchance happen to DIE in the past few days? I'm not sure what the time differential is, but we had an event earlier today._

_Um, yeah, actually._

_Jeopardy friendly, you are._ The palpable amused affection was a balm to Rose's soul. _Alright then, the fact that you're basically an unlimited battery and are sending the energy back here shouldn't be a problem, but I'll bet you're getting drained holding the connection. There's so much I want to say to you, but it'll have to wait. Now that we know you can power the connection, and the TARDIS can sense it, we can figure out what to do._

_Doctor, the Aurelia here says she knows a way to get me across the Void and back home. She says I'm a danger here and there's no way to cut off the connection, since I'm entirely filled with your Vortex. But…_ Rose really didn't want to get into this, especially since Aurelia hadn't filled her in all the way. Besides, he wasn't alone anymore, so what right did she have to expect he'd welcome her back. All her doubts were filling her head again.

_But what, Rose? She says there's a way? Something from over there? Because there' s no way from this side. Rose, I looked, you have to believe me, I looked everywhere for a way to crack the Void and bring you home._

_I do believe you, Doctor. And she said that if both Librum's are inline or something, she didn't really explain it, and I have someone guiding me through the Void mentally, there's a way to use the reverse flow of energy to pull me through. But like I said, I don't have all the details yet._

_Listen to you, 'don't have all the details yet'! You fit right in with Torchwood bureaucracy, don't you? Ok, so, I'll go talk to my Aurelia, you talk to yours, and then you can send back to the cube when you have your details. The TARDIS'll let me know and we can figure out how to get you back home._ Rose was warmed by his use of "home" but her doubts weren't dissipating.

_Ok, Doctor. God, I can't believe I'm saying this, but…I'll talk to you soon._

_Rose…I'll talk to you soon._ As she felt his mental presence fading, she could have sworn she felt his palm briefly press into hers.


	12. Fear is a Dangerous Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't expect smooth sailing!

For me it's important to be in balance. To not let fear get in the way of things, to not worry so much about protecting yourself all the time. ~ John Frusciante

The Doctor felt Rose's presence fading away from his mind and instinctively grabbed for her hand. He could have sworn he actually felt her grasp before leaving him alone in his mind, yet again. He kept his eyes closed, not willing to face reality yet, but a gentle prompting from a sympathetic TARDIS forced the issue.

"Doctor? What's going on? Did you reach her?" Martha sounded concerned, but he had to fight back the urge to snap sarcastically at her. It wasn't her fault he felt bereft, on top of his guilt over Rose being like…best not think of that.

"Right, we've got work to do! It's not malicious, the energy drainage. It's just that my sneaky TARDIS wasn't happy with just tying herself to Rose, oh no, she had to rewrite Rose's basic biology!" His voice raised at the end of his sentence, mentally threatening his ship with a lack of maintenance for a month for one, doing that to Rose, two, not telling him, and three, DOING THAT TO ROSE!

He refocused on his friends. "Basically, Rose can't die, well, that is, she is capable of dying, she just doesn't stay that way. Every time she dies, our energy flows back into her, after the used life-force drains into that universe. Which means I may have actually been a teensy bit incorrect about what was causing this is the first place, since there's a bit of a time differential and well, I jumped to conclusions, although if you look at it, it was the battle at Canary Wharf that stranded Rose there, so one could say it was in actuality Torchwood's fault, making me not entirely incorrect but… Anyway, the point is, we're looking at complete meltdown in two universes, or is it universii? Multi-verse?" He shook himself. "Anyway, Aurelia, Rose is in contact with your counterpart over there, and apparently there's a way for you to line up somehow with the other Librum and pull her through, so long's I can hold Rose's consciousness through the Void. There's no way of shutting off the link without killing Rose, permanently, and the other Aurelia really thinks this'll work."

Martha watched the hope grow on the Doctor's face. She was amazed at how young he looked. She wondered just how long he'd been hiding his true self under fake cheer and ancient pain, but her thoughts soon turned to her own situation. If Rose was coming back, what would she do? She wasn't sure that she'd want to be around to see the difference Rose's presence would make in the Doctor's demeanour; that would hurt more than his complete lack of response to her feelings for him. And what was that about Rose not dying? Making her even more the perfect companion. Well, she'd cross that bridge when she came to it. Regardless of what came of it, she'd do her damnedest to bring her friend's love back, if only to see him stay happy.

The Doctor, meanwhile, was looking beseechingly at Aurelia, hoping against hope that this would work. Aurelia slowly smiled at her dear friend, knowing she would soon be bringing him great joy.

"Yes, Doctor, I know of what the Other speaks and with the aid of your TARDIS and blessings from above, we will bring your Rose home."

The Doctor refrained from whooping and jumping around the console, but it was a close thing. He did, however, sport an ear-splitting grin. The TARDIS was singing joyfully in his mind, happy that she would soon be reunited with her missing part.

"Alrighty then, oo, don't like that phrase. Anyway, what do you need? Rose is talking to her Aurelia, but the time differential is roughly double there, so she could be getting back to me at any moment."

Aurelia smiled at him, glad to see him restored to his former vivacity. "There is nothing you can do at the moment, Doctor, but may I borrow Martha to help organize the elders? We need to explain the situation fully and prepare for this ritual. It is not something we do often, but we all hold the knowledge of how to gain access to our counterparts in any universe, if they are attempting the same at the same time. We have no way of directly reaching the Other, however, or we would have attempted this when the situation began."

"Yes, fine. Martha, feel like rousting some elderly Librae?"

Martha hid a smile. "Of course. Aurelia, just tell me what you need. Doctor, I'll be back when we're done." With that, the two women exited, leaving an impatient Time Lord to twitch and fuss.

After being shocked three times by the TARDIS, who didn't appreciate his distracted attempts at repairs, the Doctor gave up and flopped on the jumpseat. He threw up his hands, saying, "Fine! Have it your way! I'll just go mad from waiting and sitting here, doing nothing!" He was working himself into a right strop when the TARDIS informed him smugly that Rose was calling.

She chimed a laugh at him when he fell off the jumpseat in his haste to reach the Taxis cube on the console. He grabbed it, hissing something very impolite in Gallifreyan at her.

_That's not a very nice thing to say, Doctor!_

_Oh! Rose, no, the TARDIS was being a pain! That wasn't directed at you!_

_Relax, I get it._ He could practically feel the warmth of her smile. _So, I talked to Aurelia, and she's got the specs on this ritual thing they need to do to link up to your Librum. She also set up a way for me to access the energy within me without needing her to guide it, so we can keep in contact while we get this set up._

_Straight to business, then?_ He was rather disappointed, but knew that time was running out, if the effects continued to accumulate.

_Well, Aurelia has to make her way back to Librum, and Mickey and I are headed to Norway, to the weak point on the beach, so there's time to catch up. Let's jus' get the details out of the way._

He had to smile. His Rose had grown up, even more than she had in the time she travelled with him. _Ok, shoot. What'd'ya have for me? Aurelia, my Aurelia that is, is getting the elders around and says they know the ritual, so there's not much for me to do at the mo'._

_According to my Aurelia, you'll need to have the TARDIS right next to the anomaly you created, since it's the weakest point and that's where I'll reform or something. The gist of the ritual is that both Librums will be focusing on each other, bringing the universes into alignment briefly. The TARDIS should be able to latch on to the energy she's been feeding me and pull me back. I'll be basically encoded in the energy flow and you'll have to guide me through._

_Hark at you! All technical and telling me what's going on!_ The Doctor could tell something was troubling her, but wasn't sure he had the right to push anymore. This Rose was confident and capable, so much more so than she had been. Did she still need to rely on him, even as best mates?

_Rose, what aren't you telling me?_ He practically held his breath waiting for her answer. Had she outgrown him?

_Nothing. Really, that's the plan._ The disappointment he felt was staggering. If she couldn't trust him with whatever was bothering her, was she coming back to him, for him, or for the good of the universe she served to protect?

_Oh. Right then._ He tried to regain his equilibrium. _So, you and Mr. Mickey off to Norway. How is the Idiot?_

_Doctor! Mick's second-in-command of Torchwood London, right after Pete. He says to tell you hi, by the way._ Rose's mental voice hesitated, then asked, _How about you? How's your new companion? Treatin' you alright?_

The TARDIS sent a warning note, and suddenly the Doctor put it together. Her hesitancy, the change of subject. _Rose, you do know that I want you here, right?_

Her utter silence proved him right. They'd been talking at cross-purposes, both going back to their standby mode of retreating from discussing anything seriously emotional. Well, that was going to change, as of right now. He braced himself to act entirely contrary to his habits, but he'd lost her once and would be damned before he lost her to his own fear.

_Rose, Martha isn't a replacement. She's a great mate, studying to be a doctor herself. But she isn't you. And I need you._

There was still silence on her end, and he started to get a little desperate.

_You once said this life was better with two, remember? Well, it's even better when it's the right two, and you and I, we fit, don't we?_ He let a pleading note enter his mental voice. He couldn't lose her!

He felt, more than heard her sob. _Oh, Doctor! Aurelia said that in order to form the connection and have it strong enough to pull me through, we needed to be honest with each other, but I've been so scared. I didn't know if you would want me around, not now that 'm not the same. I'm not even really human anymore! And now I'm the cause of tearing apart two universes; I just don't know what to think. I mean, knowing for sure about the GameStation helped a lot, but I'm still scared that you'll get tired of having me around. I don't know how long I'll live and I know you don't like domestic, but tha's what it'd be if I stayed around forever._

The Doctor was stunned that Rose had opened up that much, and even more concerned about the nature of her reservations. She thought he'd get tired of her? _Rose, I'm not going to get tired of you, not ever! I was worried that you'd be the one to get bored with this old life. I mean, you've got everything over there, a whole family, a strong position doing good in the world. What if you're the one that doesn't need me anymore?_

There was a moment of quiet as they both considered the other's concern, then Rose snorted, which set off the Doctor. Soon, they were practically convulsing, with the TARDIS joining in the general mirth.

Recovering first, Rose said, _I can't believe we were being so thick! Best mates, you and me, but I think we've been apart too long if we're having doubts like that._

The Doctor itched to say something, but decided it would sound better in person, once she was back on his ship and in his arms. _You know, I'm feeling pretty superfluous at the mo', letting Aurelia, or rather Aurelias, organize everything. Actually, it's rather nice not to be in charge for once. Although, at least you can truthfully tell your mother it's not my fault this time. I'm betting Jackie'd just love to lay a slap on me again, am I right?_

Again, there was that silence that told the Doctor he was missing something. He wanted to respond, but the TARDIS sent a negative response, so he did what he was best at, and retreated into babbling. _But anyway, where'd you want to go first, once you're back here? Repeats, new places? Anywhere, anywhen you want, well, not really, some places like Romi are jus… no, take my word for it, there will be no going anywhere where they enjoy slinging a jelly-like substance around for decoration. And I don't mean decoration of architecture, no last time I was there, I was covered head to toe in at least six colours of slime. And it hardened on contact, so that made getting back to the TARDIS difficult, believe you me! And the stench, well…_

_Ok, Doctor, I get the point! I don't know, maybe we could just hang in the Vortex for a bit? I think I'd like to just sit and talk for a bit._

_Of course! Talk! Talking's good, I can definitely talk! Oo, tea and biscuits! Imperative to have good sustenance while talking!_ He wasn't quite sure how to express his relief at having an excuse to keep Rose to himself. It was foolish, but he was beyond worried about letting her out of his sight, once she was back in it, that is. Floating in the Vortex was the perfect way to keep her within reach and not chance losing her again. He knew he'd have to get over it sooner or later, especially as his Rose was almost as bad as he himself when it came to sitting still.

_Doctor, we're going to be fine, you and me, alright? We just need to reconnect a bit. It's been three long years, for me anyway, but like you said, we just fit. But I've got to get a move on 'fore Mickey implodes or somethin'. Say hi to the TARDIS for me, will you? And stick close to that cube. I wanna talk to you as often as possible._

_Yes, ma'am!_

_Right, that's it, you're getting a smack when I see you!_

_I'll remember to duck._

_Doctor?_

_Yes, Rose?_

_We're stalling._

_Yes, Rose._

_This is stupid. We'll talk in a bit, yeah?_

_'Course we will. Be careful, Rose._

_Back atcha._


	13. Crossed Wires

However, without considering this connection, there is no doubt but that more good than evil, more delight than sorrow, arises from compassion itself; there being so many things which balance the sorrow of it. ~Joseph Butler

Rose slowly came back to herself, feeling a slight sense of loss as she withdrew from the intense emotional and mental contact. It felt so good to know the connection between them was still there, waiting to be picked up right where they left it. She felt something soft brush her arm and looked down to see Mickey offering a tissue. Feeling her face, she realized tears were gathered on her lashes. She took a moment to collect herself before smiling brightly at her friend, eyes shining with a long absent hope.

"Well?" Mickey asked.

" 's fine. He wants me back home on the TARDIS. He doesn't even care about my little quirk, although he wasn't happy with her for doing this in the first place. I can't even care right now, since it's the way I'm getting home."

To his credit, Mickey didn't flinch at her use of 'home' to mean the Doctor. He was merely pleased to see Rose returning to her more optimistic, less down-to-business self. The girl he'd grown up with was coming back to the fore, even with her ginger hair and contacts, and it was that more than anything that assured him they were doing the right thing, not only for the universe but for Rose, herself.

The twosome joked around as they finished their preparations for leaving. Rose filled out all the necessary paperwork, including her resignation, recommendations for her staff and official documentation of the current problem. She had hesitated over the last, but figured Pete would want to know there would be no further problems with the Void and that Mickey and Jake could stop studying it. Not that the boys would, since Mickey was determined to find a way to maintain contact with his oldest friend, but Rose didn't need to know that. She even finally committed to paper the goodbye letters she'd had bouncing around the back of her mind since she had walked away from being Rose. Mickey promised to give them to Jackie and Pete, along with a story about just finding them among some old files back at the London Torchwood. Hopefully, they wouldn't open any wounds, but would give her mum the closure she needed.

Quickly authorizing the use of the Torchwood zeppelin, Rose took one last look around the place she'd called home for the past year and a half. She'd already downloaded personal documents and pictures to her old Superphone, figuring that as it was from the original universe, it had the best chance of returning with her. She hoped whatever was on her person would reappear with her, anyway. She'd changed out of her stuffy work attire and put on her more familiar and comfortable mission gear of cargos and trainers, making sure her TARDIS key was secured around her neck. She touched it briefly and was surprised to feel a slight frisson roll through her at the contact. The reaffirmation that this was actually happening made her grin. Snatching up the Taxis memory cube, she followed Mickey up to the roof and quickly helped him set about taking off. Once the course was laid for Dårlig Ulv Stranden, there was nothing to do but wait.

Turning the memory cube over in her hands as she impatiently fidgeted. Why couldn't they go faster? She'd still not completely adjusted to her lack of instantaneous transport even after three years of being deprived of the TARDIS. She sighed, frustrated. She didn't want to take it out on Mickey, so she didn't even attempt conversation.

As she rotated the cube, she must have inadvertently activated it, as she was suddenly swept into a memory not hers. She gasped as the picture became clear. There was no way what she was seeing was possible! Coming out of the full-sensory experience, she went completely still, shell-shocked at what she had just seen. The connection with the Doctor and the other universe must have allowed the backlog of memories between the other pieces to download, as she knew these were events she'd never seen and had to have occurred after the contact between the cubes was cut off.

She started trembling as she was slowly overcome with rage. "That lying, no-good, double-talking, insufferable git!" she burst out with, startling Mickey.

"What? Hey, what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. I'm just going to smack the hell out of the Doctor when I get over there." She was livid. "No, I'm not even going to wait. I'm gonna tear strips off him right now!"

Closing her eyes to Mickey's confusion, she clutched the cube and reached into herself like Aurelia had shown her and stretched out to the TARDIS. The ship responded instantly and must have felt Rose's ire. Guessing the cause, she sounded a sympathetic, consoling tone in Rose's head as she rather harshly informed the Doctor of the connection.

_Rose? Hello! How go things?_

_Don't you hello me, you... you...argh! There aren't even any words for you!_

_Rose, what's wrong?_ The confusion in his mental voice just raised her fury.

_You bloody well know! How could you have let me think Jack was dead?_

There was a damning silence that did nothing to alleviate the strong emotions coursing through her. She was furious, hurt, and slightly betrayed all at once. There had been a small part of her that hoped he hadn't known, that he was just as in the dark as she was, but the longer he took to respond, the more pain she felt.

_Rose, I told you he was off rebuilding the Earth. I never said he was dead._

That stopped her in her tracks for a moment. She'd actually forgotten that's what he had said during that horrible state of transition with his regeneration.

She wailed, _But you knew I thought he was dead! I mourned him for weeks._

_No, Rose, I swear, I thought you knew he was alive. I thought you were upset about my regeneration; it took us ages to get back on equal footing. You couldn't even look me straight in the eye for days, and even then, I'd catch you flinching now and then when I'd do something to remind you I was different._ He sounded desperate, _Rose, love, you know I would have straightened out the misconception if I knew that's what you were thinking! I would never have let you stay in that much pain. I'm so sorry. I was just so terrified you would leave me after I changed and I didn't even want to think about what you had done in coming back that I pushed everything aside and just tried to get us back to normal. I made a right mess of everything, didn't I?_

She took a moment to absorb everything he'd just said. Her agony over his perceived betrayal began to fade and she reacted viscerally to the self-disgust and despondency in his mental voice. _No, Doctor, I understand. It was a confusing time for both of us and we really should have just sat down to really talk to each other instead of tiptoeing around, avoiding upsetting the balance. 'M sorry for going off on you. It's just, my memory cube must have downloaded everything from the past three years the last time we talked and I saw one of Jack's memories that had to be recent. It really shook me up and I took it out on you._

_No, that's ok, I understand. I'm still sorry we didn't hash everything out right away. I never would have let you suffer like that if I'd known._

_We really need to work on our communication._

_Tell me about it._ The Doctor suddenly sounded wary. _When you say you saw one of Jack's memories...what was it?_

_Just a group of people sitting around what looked like a Tube station, laughing. It had to be recent, since everyone was in modern clothes, well, apparently from around my time, and Jack was only ever there with us. He was happy, like really content. It was a good feeling. Although, I could have sworn there was a pterodactyl somewhere in the background. Crazy, huh?_

There was an underlying sense of relief in the Doctor's voice that instantly aroused Rose's suspicion. _Well, you never do know with the good Captain Harkness, do you?_

_So, can we go see him? When I'm back, I mean, and after we spend some getting-to-know-you-again time? I've missed him so much!_

The Doctor hesitated, confirming her inkling of something amiss. She reproachfully thought, _Doctor...we just agreed we needed to work on our communication. What aren't you telling me?_

_Oh, Rose, it's nothing we need to get into now. I swear, I'll tell you about it when you're here. I just really don't want to discuss it right now, when we've got so many other things to talk about._

_You promise? No sweeping it under the rug?_

_I promise!_

_Ok, then. I should prob'ly go and reassure Mickey. I was a bit vocal about being upset with you. Aurelia said it would take about twenty hours from when she left to get back to Librum. She's already informed the elders, so they'll be ready to start as soon as she gets back. She left this indicator crystal thing that should light up when they start so I can tell you and we can sync up the two Librums. It's already been about four hours since she left, and we're about an hour in to the nine hour flight. Zeppelins are so slow! We can only make a top airspeed of 128 km/h. I'm going to go mental just sitting around that long!_

_Right, well, you go reassure Mr. Mickey that you haven't cracked already. I'll go let my Aurelia know the timing. I'm sorry you have so long to wait; I got the better end of the stick on the time differential here. I'm here, though, if you get bored._

_I know, but I don't want to catch up too much before I can actually see you. God, I can't believe this is really happening!_

_I know! But it is, Rose, you really will be back home soon. And there will be no wandering off of any sort, young lady! You'll be stuck with me!_

_Oh, what a horrible fate! Ok Doctor, talk to you soon!_

Rose closed off the connection, catching a sense of amusement and anticipation from the TARDIS as she did.

Mickey was staring at her in consternation and expectation. "Well? Are you going to tell me what that was all about?"

She grinned, sheepishly. "Um, mostly a misunderstanding. All sorted now."

Mickey just raised an eyebrow, as if to say that wasn't going to cut it.

"Ok, I sort of accessed a new memory from the cube that wasn't mine and it made me really mad, because I thought the Doctor'd lied to me. But it turns out, we got our wires crossed. See, I thought that Jack was dead after the GameStation, but apparently he's not and the Doctor didn't know I thought that, so he never said anything about him being alive."

Mickey was silent for a moment as he unravelled her rambling. "So, Captain Flash isn't dead?"

"Nope, and from the memory, he seems pretty happy. So today is an extra-good day!"

"Right, well, you just keep your energy to yourself, there. We've still got a long way before we get you home."

Rose frowned at the reminder she was stuck with nothing to do but bite her nails in anticipation. She resigned herself to waiting, telling herself that a few hours was better than the never she had woken up to the past three years. She snorted as she pondered the odds that, true to form, the Doctor would avoid the wait and just jump ahead in the timeline, rules be damned.

Mickey's voice broke into her thoughts. "If you're going to sit there and twitch, why don't you go scrounge for some peroxide and take care of that mop of yours? You don't want to go making the Doctor jealous of your gingerness."

She smiled at her mate, happy he was taking this so well. "That's a good idea. I don't want to show up not lookin' like myself! I already have too many things to go over with him and that's something I don't want to have to explain."

Mickey turned serious for a moment. "You will talk to him though, won't you, Rose? I know how you two get swept up in things, but you need to start relying on each other emotionally too. He's going to be all you have and you've gotta be able to talk about important stuff."

"I know, you're right. It'll be hard, though. I'm so used to just pushing everythin' away and keeping moving. Not that he's any better. But I promise, I won't bottle stuff up." Rising, she hugged him tightly. "Thank you. For always being there for me and for knowin' what to say."

Mickey squeezed her back before releasing her and giving her a push toward the storage cabinets. "Go on, time to resurrect Rose Tyler."

She grinned and headed off.


	14. Path of Most Resistance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cavity warning...The author denies all liability for necessary dentistry after reading this work.

I learned again that the mind-body-spirit connection has to be in balance. ~Wynonna Judd

The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief as the connection faded out. "Barely dodged the bullet on that one, old girl," he murmured, glad Rose hadn't forced the Jack issue. He wanted to revel in having her back before they got into that heavy topic. His good mood returned as he placed the memory cube in one of his pockets, hoping he'd find it again quickly, and bounced out the door. Having worked out the time differential, after actually giving himself a moment to think about something other than Rose, he figured they had about 6.3 hours left on this side of the void. He wasn't sure he could contain his nervous energy that long, but remembered with a wince of sympathy that Rose had far longer to wait, relatively.

He meandered through the village, picking up the latent malevolent impulses of the infected. His pace quickened, and he fought off the urge to set the TARDIS to reappear at the appointed time so he wouldn't have to spend hours warding off the waves of negative energy. Practically running through the square to the council house, he slammed through the doors, nearly wilting in relief as they closed, blocking out the worst of the aggression. Pulling himself back together, he adopted a casual stroll as he sought out Aurelia and Martha.

Finding them chattering away in the kitchen, preparing a light meal that others were trotting out to the collected elders in the refectory, he took a moment to enjoy his companion's content expression. This was why, as much as he had fought with himself over taking another companion so soon after Rose, he would never begrudge providing Martha with the opportunities of travelling with him. Like Rose, she threw herself into their adventures and thoroughly enjoyed meeting the inhabitants of wherever they ended up.

"Hello, ladies. Doing all right?"

"Doctor! How're things? Did you talk to Rose again?"

He was infinitely grateful that Martha was taking Rose's imminent return so well. He kept flashing back to Rose and Sarah-Jane and how antagonistic that meeting had been before they sorted whatever issues they had. Of course, they'd ganged up on him in the end, reaffirming his belief that he would never understand human females.

He replied, "Yep! Things are all sorted over there; we're just playing the waiting game now. That Aurelia has to return to Librum and Mickey and Rose are headed to Norway, to the weak point in the Void that matches the neutron star on this side. Rose'll probably drive Mr. Mickey up the wall by the time they get there. She's never been one for patience." He decided they didn't need to know about his brush with the Tyler temper. Martha was sure to get the full picture on that front sooner rather than later. He was bound to do something to set off his Rose, especially if he stalled on the Jack front.

Aurelia smiled at his lighthearted expression. She was glad to see his emotions had brightened from the dark and frankly terrifying morass she had observed earlier. "And so, Doctor? How long before we can right this tragedy and reunite you with your Lady Rose?"

"If I've worked out the time differential correctly, and let's face it, my math is never, well, rarely ever wrong, then we have maybe six hours or so. How long will it take you to set up and get things moving?" He was distinctly curious how they were going to accomplish the alignment of two separate universes. The whole fact of parallel universes relied on each staying in its own niche, slightly askew from each other. They obviously couldn't hold it for long, or the worlds would begin to merge together, causing both to collapse. Not that he was going to question anything that brought Rose back to him. Nope, this one time he was willing to have a little faith.

"The elders are gathered and consuming sustenance to build up their energy reserve. This will take an extraordinary about of concentration and I wish for nothing to go awry. We have gone over the ancient protocols carefully, reassuring that everyone understands and is capable of performing their part. The preliminaries need to be done approximately one standard hour before the alignment is to take place."

"Brilliant! So, we'll head off about then, Martha, and make sure we're around the neutron star before Rose sets up the link."

Martha exchanged a quick glance with Aurelia. "Actually, Doctor, I was thinking I should stay here and watch. That way I can call you if anything goes wrong on this end. Otherwise, how would you know?"

Acknowledging the point, but feeling like he was still missing something, the Doctor merely said, "Right, of course, that's a good idea. Well done, Martha. Now, Aurelia, has there been any change to the infected after Rose's communications? There was positive energy flowing back in to this universe, so there should have been some effect."

Aurelia's expression darkened. "There has only been slight improvement in the worst cases. Although, it is encouraging that no further spread has been noted. I suppose that is all that can be hoped for at the moment."

The Doctor frowned. He'd hoped for a slightly bigger reaction, but supposed that Rose was so full of this universe's energy that the full dose was needed to counteract the slow drain she'd unknowingly put on it. He fussed with a tuber-type object on the counter, not knowing what to occupy himself with for the wait.

Martha, recognizing the dangerous signs of a bored Time Lord, said, "Why don't you go get acquainted with the elders? They were all asking about you and Rose. It would only be polite to go and satisfy their curiosity."

Reanimated with the prospect of something to do and especially something that involved talking about Rose, he nodded and strode out to the refectory. He mused briefly on the abrupt switch from refusing to discuss his absent companion to feeling an urge to share just how special she was, all thanks to her impending return.

Hours later, the Doctor was so caught up in relating tales of their adventures to his captivated audience that he was startled when Aurelia suddenly appeared at his side. "It is time to begin preparations, Doctor. You should be on your way."

He bounced up and out of his seat to kiss his friend on the cheek. "Right then. I'm off. Good luck! I'll, no, _we'll_ see you in a few."

He bounded out of the refectory, catching hold of Martha on his way out of the council house. "You sure about staying? It's a good idea to stay connected here, but you can always give Aurelia your phone."

She smiled at him, saying, "No, Doctor, that's all right. I'll stay here and keep tabs on things. That way Aurelia can concentrate on what she needs to do. Besides, I don't want to accidentally distract you from holding the connection to Rose." She patted his arm. "Go on, now. I'll see you when you bring Rose back. I can't wait to meet her."

"If you're sure...All right then. Why don't you go ahead and phone the TARDIS when the ritual starts. That way there's an open line if anything goes wrong."

"Sure. Now, go on, stop stalling. Go get the girl!"

He grinned eagerly as he turned and darted off.

Getting back to the TARDIS and setting in the coordinates he murmured, "Well, this is it."

She chimed in support and, bowing to the significance of the trip, made sure the flight went without issue. Her Time Lord was a bundle of nerves, alternating between gripping the Taxis memory cube, which had taken him five tries to find, and pacing while yanking on his hair. They dematerialized directly on target, much to the Doctor's relief and surprise. He gratefully stroked the console and was promptly informed that she was just as eager to get her missing part back as he was and did he really think she would let anything go wrong?

It was probably fortunate he didn't have a chance to answer back as the console phone chose that moment to ring. Setting it to route through the speakers, he answered, "Martha?"

"We're all set here. They're just waiting for your cue from Rose."

"I'll let you know as soon as she starts the connection. Keep on the line; I don't know how long we'll have to wait."

They didn't have long to sit in a charged silence before the TARDIS indicated Rose was waiting for him.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, the Doctor picked up the memory cube. _Rose?_

_Doctor, we're here and pretty much set. Just waiting for the indicator light to go off from Librum._

_Same here, well, just waiting on your signal, since Martha's got an open line back on our Librum._

There was silence for a moment, the connection practically vibrating with nervous tension.

_I still can't believe this is it. It's completely unreal._

_Definitely. I'm so glad it is real, though._ He winced as he realized the full meaning of that thought. _Well, not that two universes are dying and that's what clued us on to this whole thing, but the fact that you'll be back here._

Lucky for him, Rose was fluent in Doctor-speak. He could picture her cheeky grin as she thought, _Right._

_Anyway, if you don't have any connection besides that crystal, how will you know what's going on?_

_Mickey's here, monitoring the Void and any fluctuations. He'll know exactly when the fabric pulls apart and we'll only have a moment or two before it closes._

_Well, catch him and his Void expertise!_

_Doctor! Don't make fun; he was trying to find a way to tell you after I died the first time._

He felt a little sheepish after that. _Right, well, tell him thanks, will you?_

_Will do. He felt her retreat a little, obviously passing on the message._

_So..._

_Yep..._

_I really hate waiting, Doctor. I'm practically crawling out of my skin! Oh! The light went off!_

_Ok, hold on, let me tell Martha._ It was his turn to pull back, shouting it was time at the phone. He vaguely heard Martha's acknowledgement as he dove back into the connection.

_Right, they're starting here. Just focus on me, focus on holding on to me. The TARDIS will do the actual work of converting the energy so don't worry about that. Just concentrate on staying with me._

_I can do that. Just keep talking to me!_

The Doctor felt her trepidation loud and clear as their connection solidified with the alignment of the universes, the jolt of something impossible hitting him full blast before he managed to push it away. He concentrated on his sense of Rose, shoving his worry at their dangerous endeavour out of the way.

_I'm here, Rose. I'm right here and I'm not letting you go._

_I know; you never do. Weird, I can feel you holding my hand! Mickey says to get ready to pull me through._

Martha echoed that, confirming the ritual was reaching its peak.

_Ok, gotcha. Hang on tight, Rose!_

The Doctor sent all of his mental tethers out toward Rose, grabbing on and pulling. The TARDIS joined him, acting as an anchor. He felt Rose's essence begin to move closer and he nearly wept in relief that it was working. Her progress was smooth and he mentally tightened his grip as she got closer. About halfway through, however, the connection jerked as her momentum abruptly ceased. No amount of yanking on his part, even supported fully by the TARDIS, could budge her.

_Doctor! I can't get through! I keep running into a wall or something that won't let me pass!_

"Doctor!" He registered Aurelia's stressed voice coming through the speaker. "Quickly! You apparently did not deal with everything you were keeping from each other! You must sort out whatever is holding you both back and be in equilibrium with each other or you will never get her back."

The Doctor grit his teeth as he and the TARDIS struggled to hold on to the connection. He knew there was one rather large fact he'd hidden from Rose. Suddenly grateful she knew about Jack, or at least mostly, he was still dismayed as to just what that meant he'd have to tell her. There was nothing else that could be keeping them from forming a full link. He had really, really wanted to wait for this, but apparently he was left with no choice. He'd just have to find some way to make it up to her.

_Rose? I'm sorry I have to tell you like this, but I'm glad I finally get the chance to say it._ He paused, gathering courage. The TARDIS was unhappy with the delay and gave him a mental kick. _Rose, I love you._


	15. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter brought to you by rainbows, unicorns, and candyfloss.

Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony. ~ Thomas Merton

_Rose, I love you._

She had hoped, of course, but she'd never had much confirmation other than longer than usual post-adventure hugs or sidelong glances she wasn't sure she'd actually caught. After accepting her fate in her new world, she'd neatly tucked that little bit of hope away in the corner of her heart, making sure it stayed warm and protected. It had unfolded to surround her soul when they had finally reconnected, but she still hadn't let it fully flame into being. Now, it overpowered her entire being and she had to respond.

His brave, brilliant little human mentally sobbed. _I love you, Doctor. So, so much._

He'd known that, of course, but the doubts that had cropped up from being separated had apparently formed a mental block between them. He'd railed against being cut off the first time and had practically convinced himself she would write him off as a lost cause and settle down with a normal, human bloke who could give her all the affection she deserved. He had refused to let himself consider that she could think of him with anything more than fondness and even after they managed to reconnect, had barely let himself hope for more.

As soon as each acknowledged their true feelings and the other accepted, the obstruction between worlds disappeared. After pulling so hard against the block, it was a sudden shock when it gave way, sending Rose's energy zooming through the last bit of the Void. The Doctor abruptly found himself with an armful of warm pink and yellow Rose.

It took a moment for them both to realise they'd done it; they were back together. Tears streaming down both faces, the Doctor and Rose clung together, each trying to mould themselves into the other. An immeasurable amount of time later, the Doctor slowly pulled back, keeping hold of his precious girl but wanting to see her face for the first time in far too long. Blotchy and tear-streaked, it was still the loveliest sight in the universe to him. Meeting her brown gaze with his own, he smiled, a real, full smile that hadn't been seen since that horrible day at Torchwood.

"Hello," he said, almost reverently.

Rose sniffed inelegantly and smiled through her tears. "Hello," she said back.

"You're real, you're really here," he dazedly said, still somewhat in a state of shock.

" 'm here! Oh my God, I'm really here!" Rose threw herself back into his welcoming embrace.

They hugged fiercely, neither wanting to let go until the TARDIS interrupted with a chime, obviously feeling left out of the reunion.

Rose laughed as she turned to face the console, wiping her face on the sleeve of her jacket. The Doctor refused to relinquish his grip, keeping his arms around her waist as he burrowed his face in her blonde hair. He absently noted the lack of roots and the new pixie cut, but focused on her familiar feel and scent, allowing them to flood his senses.

"Hello, old girl! Thank you, thank you, thank you so much! For pulling me through and for making sure I lived long enough for this to happen!" Rose giggled as the TARDIS sounded an almost bashful note.

The Doctor could feel the joy and utter completeness sweeping through the woman in his arms. With an abrupt start, he realised they hadn't fully disengaged from the connection that pulled her through. It wasn't intrusive, just a sense of her within his mind stronger than it should be. He shrugged internally; it was a small price to pay for having his Rose.

Her presence washed over him with a powerful force. She was really there. It wasn't a dream, it wasn't wishful thinking. He felt drugged with the sheer power of his, her and their emotions. Joy, contentment, wonder, desire, rightness, elation formed a brightly coloured maelstrom that he dove straight into.

Spinning her back to face him, he ran his hands up her arms to gently cup her face. He had to say it. She was miraculously in front of him and he had to tell her.

"Rose Tyler, I love you."

Her eyes widened. She had never expected him to admit it out loud. Honestly, she was anticipating having to tuck that memory away, playing it off as heat of the moment and continuing on as before. She really would have been fine with that; they were together and that was all that mattered. Realizing he was looking at her with increasing nervousness, she felt tears welling up again as she said, "Doctor, I love you too."

She would have continued, but speech was suddenly impossible as he bent his head down to brush his lips lightly across hers. She froze at the powerful jolt that swept through her at the contact, but melted into him as he pressed more firmly. They stayed perfectly still, relishing in the innocent connection of first kisses, or at least first kisses that they both would remember.

Needing air, Rose regretfully broke the kiss, but snuggled into his chest as his arms came around her, holding her with that surprising strength of his. She would have been content to stay there for eternity, but the real world beckoned.

Feeling like he was forgetting something, the Doctor suddenly remembered with dread that Martha had been on an open line. A quick query to the TARDIS reassured him that the intensely private reunion had in fact been private. He stroked Rose's hair, momentarily pressing her closer to him, before murmuring, "Sorry, love, but I have to call Martha back. I'm sure she and Aurelia are frantic at not knowing what happened."

As Rose drew back and released him, he was delighted to see her blush at the endearment. He decided then and there that he would make her flush that colour at least once a day. Holding out his hand, his fingers instantly twined with hers in the still-familiar grip. Leading her over to the console, he called up Martha's number and set it to ringing.

"Doctor? What happened? Did it work?" Martha's frantic voice rang out.

He grinned, unable to contain his happiness. "Oh, it most definitely worked! Tell Aurelia many, many thanks, please."

"Oh, I'm so glad! We all got worried when the call dropped, but Aurelia thought she felt it work. Are you heading back here, then?"

He answered distractedly, entranced by Rose's free hand stroking and caressing bits and bobs on the console as she quietly talked to the TARDIS. "Yep, we're on the way. See you in a bit."

Cutting the connection, he simply watched as the two most precious beings in his world communed. Hating to interrupt, he gently squeezed Rose's hand to get her attention. "Want to help me set the coordinates?"

Her eyes flashed excitedly as she nodded, their hands reluctantly separating to attend to their tasks. It was a bit rocky at the start, but they eventually recovered their old rhythm.

Rose was giddy beyond belief. Setting the coordinates and working to fly the TARDIS brought home the reality of the situation more than anything else. She relished every second of every familiar vibration and jerk that accompanied a TARDIS flight. She laughed out of sheer pleasure as they went through a typically unstable rematerialization that threw her into the Doctor. Easily absorbing the impact and folding her into his body, he beamed down at her obvious happiness. That was what he had missed the most: the way she put all of herself into every single aspect of their shared life. Other companions shared the excitement and anticipation of adventure, but none came close to the way it was imbued in every single one of Rose's actions.

He released her to allow her the privilege of being first out the door. He wondered if Martha had heard the TARDIS or if they would need to go meet her in the village. A flash of trepidation burned through him at the prospective meeting, thinking again of Rose and Sarah-Jane. He didn't want anything to upset his miraculous day.

Rose turned and raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Was that you? I could have sworn I just felt..."

He rubbed the back of his neck, cursing himself for forgetting how perceptive she was, especially emotionally. "Umm, well, it seems the merging of energy needed to pull you across kind of, sort of left a bit of you in me and me in you?" His voice rose to a squeak on the final words.

Rose was silent, obviously digesting what he'd just said, which did nothing to ease his discomfort. "Oh. Okay. Let's go, then!"

She grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the doors, obviously excited to be setting foot on an alien planet again, but the Doctor dragged in his heels.

"Wait, what do you mean 'Oh'? What does 'Oh' mean?"

She laughed at him. "It means oh. Now, come on!"

"No, no, don't we need to discuss this?"

"No Doctor. I'm perfectly fine with it; there's nothing to discuss. Now will you get a move on?"

He let himself be led out the door, stunned at her easy acceptance. Testing their new connection, he found she really was perfectly all right with it. He would _never_ understand women. His ebullient mood reasserted itself, pushing aside his confusion.

Rose was looking around eagerly, soaking in her first alien landscape in far too long. It didn't matter that she still remembered how Librum looked; she was there. She was there and with her Doctor. She looked up at him, grinning.

He glanced down at the same time she looked up. Her sparkling eyes and excited, uniquely Rose smile beckoned him in, leaving him powerless to resist. He stopped and yanked her against him before leaning down and crushing his lips to hers.

She vaguely recognized with the few brain cells not imploding that this was pure passion. The earlier kisses had been gentle, merely reaffirming their feelings. This was a claim and a promise rolled into one. It was also over much too quickly. She pouted, but conceded they had plenty of time to explore this new facet of their relationship. They had friends waiting on them.

Swinging their joined hands and chatting amiably, they made their way into the village. The Doctor was incredibly relieved to not feel any of the ill-humoured waves of influence, which hopefully meant all was restored. His spirits were further buoyed by the site of Martha and Aurelia standing in front of a scale restored to balance.

Obviously spotting the two, Rose's hand tightened around his, a sure sign of her nerves. He glanced down at her tenderly, knowing she was worried about measuring up, even if such a competition was utterly absurd.

Martha was curiously assessing the small, blonde figure so naturally connected to the Doctor. She looked much the same as the brief glimpse from the memory cube, happiness and warmth radiating from her. What was really amazing was the change to the Doctor. His entire being seemed lightened and he practically shone with an inner serenity that spoke to the importance and power of the woman at his side.

Aurelia, noting the same, smiled. All was as it should be, finally. "Doctor, all has been restored. The balance is once again equal and my brethren have regained their sense of self." She turned to his companion and walked forward to embrace her. "Welcome back, Rose. You have been much missed."

Martha was intrigued to see an almost shy expression cross the other girl's face as she hugged her friend back. _Most definitely not like Annalise, then_ she thought, glad to have her earlier contemplation confirmed. She also didn't miss the fact that Rose never let go of the Doctor's hand.

"Aurelia, thank you so, so much! I will never be able to thank you enough for bringing me back." Rose was afraid she was going to tear up again, but managed to push them back. She didn't want the Doctor to think she'd become a weepy little girl in the last three years!

Aurelia stepped back only to turn to the Doctor and embrace him as well.

He gave her a strong, one-armed hug as he whispered a heartfelt, "Thank you."

Knowing the three needed to find their own sense of balance, Aurelia gracefully took her leave. "Forgive me, but there is much to do to recover from this situation. I must go see to the immediate return of our ambassadors to their posts. The balance must continue to be maintained. If I do not see you before your departure, peace be with you all."

The TARDIS travellers watched her go, glad that their friend had the opportunity to resume her usual routine with such relish, then turned to regard each other.

Forcing down his instinctive wariness, the Doctor cheerfully spoke up. "Martha Jones, meet Rose Tyler. Rose, this is Martha."

Letting go of his hand, Rose stepped forward, saying, "Hello, Martha. I'm so glad to meet you. You're a medical student, yeah?"

Surprised that someone trapped in a parallel world would know that, Martha nodded. "Yep, I was until this one crashed into my life and turned it upside down."

Rose smiled fondly and glanced back over her shoulder at the Doctor. "Yeah, he's good at that."

Making an instant decision, Rose closed the gap and hugged Martha tightly. "Thank you," she whispered in her ear. "Thank you for being there and being his friend. He probably wouldn't have made it without you."

Now that she'd seen the difference between a Doctor-without-Rose and a Doctor-with-Rose, Martha had to concur. Squeezing the smaller woman back, she replied, "It was my pleasure. But I'm glad you're back. He needs you."

They separated and again, Martha was amazed at how Rose's hand instinctively sought out the Doctor's, which was there waiting for hers. She didn't know what the future held, or if she would stay, but right then, she was simply rejoicing in the Doctor's obvious happiness.

The Doctor, glad to have Rose's hand once more and to realize his fears had been unfounded, announced, "Well, shall we? Back to the TARDIS and off to the next adventure?"

The trio bantered back and forth on the walk back, gradually finding an ease in their interaction. Martha marvelled at how naturally the other two related to each other, even after their long separation. She felt a slight pang of envy at their obvious connection, but more out of longing for something similar than having to do with the particular players.

The Doctor, while nearly completely content, unsurprisingly couldn't quite turn off the niggling in the back of his mind. He fully participated in the teasing and story-telling with Martha and Rose, but still paid attention to what was bothering that small part of his brain that was continuously analytical. Why didn't Rose affect him as Jack did? Why did he feel more whole with her proximity instead of the horrible aversion he felt near Jack? Something was obviously fundamentally different with Rose's new state of enforced liveliness and his rabid curiosity was aroused. Laughing heartily at Martha's embarrassing stories from the wards, he began compiling a list of all the tests he'd run on Rose as soon as he could.

Rose happily trotted next to him as they strolled back to that dear blue police box. All was right with her world, at least for the moment. She wasn't naive enough to expect that to last, not when living with the Doctor anyway, but she was determined to bask in it as long as possible. She knew she was avoiding thinking about the essential conversation they needed to have about her connection to the TARDIS, how they'd spent the time apart, whatever the Doctor was hiding about Jack and what their new relationship meant, but she didn't think it was too much to ask for at least one day of bliss.

Approaching the door, the Doctor felt Rose's anticipation. He nodded down at her and watched with satisfaction as she pulled her key out from under her shirt. Fitting it to the lock, she stroked the battered wood as she unlocked the door and swung it open. Letting Martha precede him, the Doctor immediately reclaimed Rose's hand and pulled her inside. Taking a last look at the beautiful scenery no longer under threat, he closed the door.

Fading along with the setting sun, the same blue shape which had disturbed the tranquillity of the quiet meadow only a day before gradually blurred out of sight.


End file.
